Exploring the mitten.

We explored again yesterday, only this time we brought Daddy. It wasn't really exploration for us girls, since we had seen it already, but it ws so much better having Scott along. The girls had so much fun. We didn't pack swimsuits because the forecast SAID that it would reach 80 something by 8 AM and then cool off to around 60 by the afternoon. LIES. So many lies. It stayed HOT the whole time. Which is great when you were wanting some "summer" fun. We packed a picnic lunch to eat before releasing the minions to play on the huge playground. I hope to have MANY more days like this over the summer..and our life. What good is life if you aren't LIVING it?!

We also explored the historic district again and drooled over the pretty old homes. We found a small one tucked in the midst of all of these massive ones. Scott and I joked that we could move in there and just bask in the glory of the fancy homes around us. Not that this small home was ugly. It was just as pretty, but much more humble. ;)

Good Today

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So, Yesterday was terrible the worst day in a long time. Words don't do it justice. I woke up this morning and didn't even get dressed. I only do that if I am puking. I always put REAL clothes on first thing in the morning. I was just prepared to sulk about yesterday. Now, I'm not talking "the kids weren't cooperating, someone was mean" bad day. I am talking "someone I love tried to take their own life" bad day. (Loved one was unsuccessful and as of now is physically going to be ok.)


HOWEVER, Today is not yesterday. Today is not bad. I woke up and saw this picture first thing on facebook. It is my mom's birthday. It is sunny for the first time in quite a while. Yesterday was bad, but it is a good today. I had to purpose in my heart to not let yesterday get to me, and start fresh. I still haven't put real clothes on yet. But, I immediately started getting dishes done and straightening up our house. I feel better when there is less clutter. I sat on the floor and folded laundry while Harper threw it everywhere. HAHA!! I called my mom and tried to have the girls sing Happy Birthday. Chickens. They got nervous and only one of them even told her Happy Birthday.

I need to have this attitude more often. I let the worries of life weigh me down. I let it all get to me, and I carry it around with me everywhere I go. THIS IS NOT MY LOAD TO CARRY!!!! God wants me to pour out my words to Him. He wants me to give it all to Him so He can carry it. I am not in this alone.


This life is so darn beautiful. I just have to open my eyes and see it.

Today

My dad is traveling to STL to begin his proton radiation to fight prostate cancer. It has not spread. In fact, a lot of it was taken out with the biopsies that he had done. This treatment is the best option for him with his history of heart disease and stroke. It is a big deal, but it's not the worst.. God has it under control.

......


And yet, here I sit fighting to hold it together. I picked up my phone to send my dad a quick text message telling him that I am praying for him and love him. He was working this morning, and may be traveling right now, so a quick text is best.

I don't know. I guess reality just hit. My. Dad. Has. Cancer. CANCER. Stupid flipping cancer that is always ruining lives.

Today isn't really the start of another battle for him. He has been battling since he found out, which was months ago.


Living so far away from family and never seeing them is hard. My mom's birthday is this week and she will be alone. I hate that. I just want to get in the car and go see her. I want to hug her. I want to hug my dad.


Please, pray for our family. My dad especially, because he has been through so much. We have walked along side him cheering him on and picking up whatever weapons we can to help him fight. I think that we are all feeling weary from it. But, especially him.

Memorial Day

Today is Memorial Day. It is a day to remember those men and women who have sacrificed their lives to keep our great nation FREE.

Thank you, to everyone who has served. Today is to remember those who have fallen. But, I also want those who are WILLING to give their lives to know how thankful that I am for them as well.

It is because of them that I was able to go to the church of my choice yesterday. It is because of them that I was able to enjoy a picnic on my living room floor with my family this afternoon. It is because of them that I was able to go to the store without fear.

Thank you.

"God bless America,
Land that I love,
Stand beside her and guide her
Thru the night with a light from above;

From the mountains, to the prairies,
To the oceans white with foam,
God bless America,
My home, sweet home.
God bless America,
My home, sweet home."
Irving Berlin

Safe Harbor.

WE HAVE PAINT!! I love the way that the color turned out. It is called Safe Harbor by Olympic.

That screen door is so ugly though.. and broken, so I am thinking of seeing if Scott will just take it off. I know that we need to weedeat around the house. My husband works a lot, and I would most likely cut my foot off.. I also have a pretty flag to hang up and fly proudly from our porch. I just need to get a bigger mount. I bought a cheap flag a couple of years ago, and the pole bent on a windy day. We get a lot of wind here..


I have half of the container of paint left. I am thinking of using it on the peak at the top of the porch. We just need to power wash the old gross paint off of it. Would that look weird? It couldn't look worse than the chipping paint I suppose.

This house really is cute, and I wish that it had been taken care of better. I am not a huge fan of it, but it is ours.. so I am going to love on it and make it our own while we are here. It's about time, huh?

A visual

Here is a visual for you to hold on to. This is what we are working with. The door was a scratched and stained up gross tan before I put the primer on it. This is also not the main door we use. We go through the back of the house, so this side is usually an afterthought. Every time I get the mail I am reminded of how bad it looks..

It's just...

There is a lot of potential. I am hoping to transform it.

Curb Appeal

I primed our front door! AHHHHH!!!! I just have to go buy paint now and our door will be painted! Too much excitement!!

Also, over the weekend we had an egress window put into our basement. There were a bunch of brick-like things left over that I MAY get to use to put a garden in the front of our house also! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I honestly despise this house. I try so hard to just be grateful for the roof over our heads, because I know how richly blessed that we are. But, it is truly a struggle because this house is just not functional for a family of five. We are constantly tripping over each other. It's very, VERY small, and everyone and their mom from the church has lived in it at some point, so they all have opinions on it. **I want to note that none of them were in this house with THREE little ones!**

Anyway, I have been saying how we can't change it. We ARE in this house with no other options, so we might as well do our best to make it a place that we love to be. I really hope to put a garden in and just enjoy seeing the flowers grow. Scott is planning to rebuild this old wheelbarrow that we had in the "back" yard. It literally fell apart and he just had to hit the pieces with a hammer and they practically disintegrated. I loved it. It had so much character, but it just wasn't taken care of and was falling apart when we moved in 3 1/2 years ago.

I will take some "before" pictures of the front of the house and share them. Hopefully, we will have some beautiful "after" photos to post later!! The door already looks a million times better with the white primer on it. It was this old dinged up tanish (maybe just really stained white?) color.

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All of this inspiration came from the book "Love the Home You Have" by Melissa Michaels. The book itself is beautiful, and I am only into the second chapter. But, I love it. I have always loved interior design and even went to school for it. I realized that I was never going to get to have a career in it being a ministry wife, so I switched majors, but I LOVED the classes that I took. I learned a lot from them.

This post is getting random and wild. Check the book out. I can't wait to read her others. You should also check out her blog, "The Inspired Room" if you love houses like I do. I love to see how people decorate. Go check it out.

Four Arrows Farm

Rolling out the new name. I wrote down all of my favorites last week and really thought and prayed about them.. What is the purpose of this blog? I dunno! HA! I hope that it can be a place of encouragement and laughter. I want it to be a place of reality as well. It is hard for me to be real in person. I can smile and pretend that things are just fine in person. I feel like in the blog world, I can write out my feelings much better. I can delete and think much more before hitting "publish". Anyway, all of those factors were put into the name. Most of all, this is a mommy blog. I am a mommy. I love being mommy.. most days. ;)

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
are the children[a] of one's youth.
Blessed is the man
who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame
when he speaks with his enemies in the gate."

Psalm 127:3-5 (ESV)

I love arrows. I think that they are amazing.. so many designs, colors, etc. If I were to get a tattoo, it would be of four arrows. (I'm not getting one.. don't worry.) I am the mother of FOUR blessings. It may not look the way I hoped, but I do have four babies. I just never got to meet one of them on this earth, but that does not take away from the fact that he or she IS STILL my child, and the love I have for that baby is strong. My love for all of my arrows is fierce.

For the record, I wanted just Four Arrows, but someone took it already. So, we keep our farm. It feels messy and stinky like a farm in our house... so it works. ;) Plus, I'd be all over owning some chickens so that we could always have farm fresh eggs!! Bring it on!

What do you think of the new name? I guess it doesn't matter, because that's it. ;)

New name

I need a new name for this blog.. I love the name, but don't want our last name floating around. There are a lot of scary people out there. There are a lot of people in our area getting murdered because of craigslist meet-ups, etc. I just want to keep my family safe.

So, stay tuned for a new title..when I can think of a good one.

My strength

I feel like all I do on here is share quotes and talk about my health or my kids' health or my family's health. These are all of the things consuming my life. They are front and center every day here. We are constantly worrying about "diet" and what is safe and healthy to eat. What is going to keep someone from getting sick.. not not just a sniffly cold.. but potentially lead to life threatening reactions. We are still waiting on the phone to ring with an allergist appointment. We are still waiting for the endocrinologist to call with results so that I can move on to the next step. COME ON PHONE!! RING!!!!!!

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I can't say that I am thankful yet. I really can't. IN all things give thanks.. (1 Thess. 5:18) I can't say that I am thankful FOR what is happening. It is like trying to walk through water with the current against you. We are trudging along figuring out how to live with what we have been dealt. Unfortunately, my diseases and Harper's food allergy will never "pass". Harper may outgrow her food allergies, and I PRAY that she does. My diseases are for life. We can't ever really get to a point where we can say that it is behind us. We can get to a point where we can manage it all. WE WILL get to a point where we feel "normal" again. I believe that.

I know that God has a plan in all of this. I am praying that I will be able to help someone who starts down a similar journey. I pray that God gives me the strength to survive this (NO, it's not going to kill me.. but I feel like it will). I pray that I find my true strength and use all of this for HIS glory.

I pray that I can find myself again. I feel like Ashley has gotten lost somewhere along the way, and I want her to come back. She is going to look different. She is going to be different. But, she will be strong.

Our weekend

We had such a lovely weekend. I have been begging Scott forever to go on a trip. "Just ONE night away. PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE! We need to do something fun." He told me a month ago that he was planning to take us all somewhere for my birthday. A friday/saturday away from our house and the demands that come with it. It was lovely.

We went on Friday over to the Lake Michigan side of the sate. We have seen Lake Erie (which was dirty and gross..) and Lake Huron (seriously gorgeous) but not Lake Michigan from this side. We have seen it from Chicago is all. We drove and got confused and took some back roads. I love driving around with my family. The girls are usually really good in the car, and it's the only tie that Scott and I get to spend together and TALK to each other.

Our first stop was Lake Michigan. We drove west and figured that as long as we headed that way, we would find beach. We found a small park. There was a huge sand hill to climb, or a million stairs to walk up. Chloe and I walked up the sand part and Scott walked the stairs with Addi and Harper. When we reached the top, I had to catch my breath. Not only from the climb, but the view...

I mean.. look at that. It was beautiful. It was a little hazy and cloudy, but SO amazing. I love water. I love seeing NOTHING on the horizon except the beauty that God created.

I love having my feet in the sand. The water was pretty darn cold, but I didn't care. It truly is my happy place.


Next stop was our hotel so that the girls could swim. We swam for the evening and then went to bed.. or went to the room to deal with 2/3 kids screaming ALL. NIGHT. LONG. It was a terrible night, but Scott and I have decided to ignore that part of our trip. We had a blast both days, so who cares that we barely slept.

Saturday morning we headed to the tulip festival.

Sooo many tulips. There are so many colors and types of tulips that I didn't even know existed. The whole town was covered in tulip gardens and carnival games and food. We decided to just go to the tulip fields so that we could see the flowers without dealing with the crowds and smells off food that I can't eat. (HA!)

The girls loved it, and didn't even try to pick any flowers. They have been obsessed with bringing me handfuls of dandelions. They wanted to bring some on our trip, and I told them that we would see lots of flowers where we were going. Their little minds were blown.

After walking through the fields of tulips, we headed to the zoo. Harper's first trip! This was our first time at the zoo with the girls old enough to really understand the animals and enjoy the exhibits. It had been drizzling all morning, but stopped when we got to the zoo. It was cool weather and the animals were all really active. Perfection.

We are back to reality now, and were smacked in the face with it first thing Sunday morning. We were blindsided by a few things that left us feeling frustrated, but we are trying to cling to our good memories from the weekend. We need to do it more often. Not a hotel stay, but we live in this BEAUTIFUL and amazing state with free beaches and parks everywhere. We need to take advantage of it.

I hope that everyone had an excellent weekend, and a happy mother's day! I got to double dip and enjoy Mom's day and my birthday at the grocery store alone. haha!

One year. Many lessons.

I am one year seizure free!! I am celebrating surviving the worst year of my life. I am choosing the word celebrate. You see, God has been trying to teach me something. I have prayed "God, please grow my faith." Then, every time something happens, WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!?!

Let's recap. May 8th, 2014 I woke up early. I woke up healthy and normal. We had Joe and Dave coming over to work on Harper's bedroom. I made coffee for them, as I did every morning. I got cold bottles of water out and ready for them to immediately start drinking. They showed up and went right to work. I played with the girls inside. Scott came home with lunch for all 6 of us (7 if we want to count Harper). We ate lunch and shared many laughs. Dave and Joe are two of the kindest men on the planet. They are funny and TRULY a joy to be around. I put Addison down for a nap (yes, she napped through the noise!) and sent Chloe to her room to play quietly. I think that I may have studied for my final that I was supposed to have that night. I'm not completely sure.


When the girls woke up, it was a WARM and sunny day. I got them dressed and we went out in the yard to play. Scott came back to mow our yard. Joe and Dave finished up for the day and were getting ready to head home. Dave told me a hilarious story about something he had done back when he was working at his old job. Both Joe and Dave are retired workers from a big company here in town. I could not stop laughing and told him that he reminded me of my dad. Ornery.

Dave left and I went back to playing with my girls. I started to feel off. I held on to the slide and waited for things to pass, as they always did. The next thing that I remember is waking up with a paramedic asking me if I knew where I was. I have told this story, so I won't rehash it. I am sure it gets old. To me, I remember new details from the day all the time. It's wild. During my hospital stay it was confirmed that I had a seizure. I also was informed that I have a hole in my heart.

Let's just fast forward to May 10. My birthday. The day I was finally getting released from the hospital. I was informed that I would not be able to drive for at least 6 months. I thought, "Ok. I can do this. I just have to let go of my need for control. I can rely on other people." Now, relying on other people is not really a strong suit of mine. I am a bit of a control freak. I like to take care of myself. I don't want others having to take care of me; even if that includes driving me to the doctor's office.

It was difficult, but I learned to rely on others. Sometimes it's ok to let other people help you. It's ok to ask for help; to need help.

Let's fast forward again to October 2014. My mom told me that my Aunt Nancy probably had cancer, but was being stubborn. Typical.. well, relative of mine! We are all stubborn. Aunt Nancy finally went. It's bad. She has stage 4 lymphoma, but the doctors are confident that they can get it into remission as long as they start treatment quickly. Awesome. Remission is good. No cancer is better, but for her to be able to live is great. I remember being scared. But, the doctors can handle it.

Fast forward again to November. I see a facebook post that my Uncle Gene has been rushed to the hospital. He may have had a stroke. I call my mom and ask her if she knew. My brave and courageous mom. The woman who I TRULY look up to and lean on. I wanted to make sure that she had been made aware since I had only seen on facebook that he was going to the hospital. A few facebook messages and I learn that they think he may have had a stroke. My mom tells me that she knew. Then, I hear her start crying. My mom has been so strong. Her sister was diagnosed with terrible cancer. Now, her sister's husband is facing death. His stroke was bad. They said he shouldn't have survived. They said that he would never walk again and that the only reason he is still able to speak is because he is left handed (The only word that he could say at the time was "yep"). It kept part of his brain strong enough. He was facing brain surgery to relieve some of the pressure that was building from the swelling.

I was driven to my knees... finally relying on God... not others, not doctors. God. God, please save him. Only you can heal him. The doctors think he is going to die. I remember going to the alter the following Sunday and crying out to God.

My knees were not good enough.

Fast forward to February. One doctor visit. Yep, you have epilepsy. Two doctor visits. Yep, you have a chronic mystery disease; possibly autiummune. Your body is attacking itself, but we just aren't sure. "God, what on earth are you doing?! When is this ever going to let up?! IT HURTS!"

Fast forward again to March. My dad has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. CANCER. Yes, it's "only" prostate cancer. Yes, it is easily treatable. Yes, it has not spread to his bones, etc. But, cancer still cuts like a knife. Cancer doesn't care who or what it destroys. It hurts to know that this strong man that I look up to; that took me on countless fishing trips has this disease living inside of him.

This time, I was knocked on my face before God. Do you get it yet? My faith HAS to grow. Growth hurts. It hurts more than you can describe. Do you remember when you were young, and had growing pains? I do! My legs would throb. It hurt so bad. But, I am bigger and stronger for it. I can't pray for grown faith when I am not willing to take the pain that comes with it. Life hurts. Life hurts a lot. It's not easy. Sometimes it just downright STINKS. But, life is beautiful. There have been so many blessings and lessons to come from the last PAINFUL year. It is still painful, please don't think that it's not. I am still hurting. I still cry every time I am in the car alone. I cry when no one is looking. It is hard. But, I have learned to have faith. I have learned to fall on my face before God. He is holy and mighty and has never, ever let me down before.

Front door makeover..

The front of our house looks U-G-L-Y. The wind blows pretty harshly around here. It has caused some of the siding on the front of our house to get ripped off. The front porch has never been taken care of, so the wood looks really rough. The house numbers were falling off when we moved in. The screen door is rusted and won't stay shut, and the main door is equally stained and gross looking.

I bought new house numbers "in case" we had an emergency at any point. Ironic.. never thought we'd need them. I try to keep new tiny trees from growing up through the porch. I would love to plant a small garden in the front to make it look more homey and less like a rough neighborhood home. My next project though: FRONT DOOR PAINT! I want to paint our door SOOOOOO badly. Our house is white without shutters, so options are REALLY open.

I have been searching pinterest for colors. I have wanted red for a LONG time, but the more I see turquoise, the more I want it. I also love the yellow, but have a friend with a yellow door. I don't like to do things that others do. Others that I know anyway, otherwise I couldn't get anything done. :p

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I guess I need help. What do you think? Any kind of turquoise/aqua color is so refreshing to me. It is such a happy color, but will it look stupid in the fall? Yes, I think about these things... Red is classic. You can't really go wrong with it. But, it's done a lot. I like to be the black sheep.

HELP!

Weekend love

I cannot wait for this weekend!! My birthday and Mother's Day are on the same day this year, which is kind of fun. I don't get excited about birthdays. I don't mind ageing, I just don't find my birthday to be a big deal. Last year was really memorable and fun. I was released from the hospital in the middle of the day. I came home and my mom had made decorations with the girls, and they were hanging all over the house. She made a cake with them. It was so adorable and sweet, and I will never forget it. Then, mom and dad watched the girls during dinner so that Scott and I could go out on a date. We went to a new Japanese steakhouse that we had been dying to try. It was terrible. But, we laugh about it a lot. Now, we don't have to wonder if it is good anymore. :p

Anyway, THIS weekend! Scott is taking us over to the Lake Michigan side of the state. There is a big Tulip Festival that happens in this little down. I love tulips. They just look happy. The weather is supposed to be warm and beautiful. We have never seen Lake Michigan from Michigan; only Chicago. It is apparently super clear right now because of the winter freeze that happened. I can't wait to just get away and enjoy some time as a family.

We will be back for church on Sunday, and I don't really know what we will do. I know that I get to test out a gluten, dairy, all good things free cake recipe. Hopefully I can find something yummy. ;) I am DYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYING for some cake. I saw a company that makes allergen free cheesecake, and I am going to buy alllll the cheesecakes. Not really.. maybe one.

Speaking of Allergies:

I am really digging deep into learning about these allergies as Harper is the age where she can eat some table foods. I want to keep her safe... and locked up in a bubble the more I read. I can't lock her away. I can't stop her from living. I can do everything possible to keep her safe though. :)