My Four Arrows

I love my blog name. I love the meaning behind four arrows.

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
are the children[a] of one's youth.
Blessed is the man
who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame
when he speaks with his enemies in the gate."
Psalm 127:3-5

That being said, I have decided to switch domains for my blog. Everything I read about blogging has the #1 rule as "Wordpress". So, I checked it out. I liked it, so I put a ring on it. Or something like that.. I don't even know.

Either way, I was able to get the title that I REALLY wanted. My Four Arrows.

Head over to MyFourArrows.wordpress.com to see the new blog. It is still under construction, so bear with me, please. If you use bloglovin', I am on there, too.

I feel like an indecisive teenager.. But, this sticks. I am leaving this blog active, because it has all of my memories from when Chloe was a newborn. That is the only reason that I feel really hesitant to say goodbye to this one. But, change is good. It's a fresh start. A blank slate.

I am keeping the beautiful logo that Lexi painted for me though!

Why

Part of my new direction is to really make something of this blog.

All Amazon links are affiliate links, so a portion of what you spend on products that I recommend will go to my family. If you don't want to help me out, that's fine. No hurt feelings.

I also have created a facebook page for the blog, so you can head over there and "like" it if you feel like it.

I love being a stay at home mom, but it's incredibly difficult to do on one tiny ministry income. Ministry is not about the money, so please don't misunderstand me. Our family has to survive, so I am trying to get creative in ways to help bring in some extra income.

Thanks for supporting me and this journey.

Direction

I think that we all need to find a direction in life. Where are you going? Where do you want to be in a week? In a month? In a year?

This is my goal.. to find my strength.

I feel like I have just been sort of drifting. I know that I want to be a good wife and mom all days. I want to represent Christ well. But, what else? I need to have a goal for myself.

So do you.

I was reading on Oak & Oats today about creating a mission statement for your blog. It doesn't have to be publicly shared; it's more for you.

I feel a little (lot) scatterbrained a lot of days. Life is crazy and hectic, and it has been throwing some MEAN curve balls in my direction. I feel like I have given up on even swinging and keep letting them pummel me. I need to regain my focus and direction.

So, I am challenging myself to create a mission statement for this blog. It is a random space where my brain gets poured out and attempted to form into coherent thoughts that help someone. Or, just inspire someone. I am a daydreamer, and a lot of that gets dumped on here, too. I am a mom, so my hashtag mom life gets poured out here as well. I am hurting, and that gets poured out.

There is so much that gets poured here, but I always want people to leave my blog space a little better than they were before.

I don't know if that has ever happened. Ever. But, that is my main goal.

I am challenging you also. What is your focus? What is your "mission statement" for your life? I still remember the mission statement that we created for our youth department back in high school. "H2O student ministries exists to expose unsaved teens to the love of Christ, bringing them into our fellowship, teaching them to observe all things so they can work and praise him."

Or something like that.

It's awesome. It gave us a direction and a purpose. It was a challenge to us as teens. We knew WHY we were doing what we were doing.

So, let's hear it. What is your WHY?

Grace that is Greater

I need God's grace. Oh, how I mess up. I am not good at life. I think I would receive a big fat "F" on my life report card.

I get frustrated. I get down. I get angry. I struggle. I am so far from perfect.

God is so merciful and so full of grace. He loves me in spite of, well, ME. He created me. He formed me and paid such close attention to every detail of me. He knew that I was going to be full of emotion. He knew that I was going to struggle with controlling my temper. He knew that I was going to be a big crybaby. He knew that I would feel unsatisfied. He knew it all.

Yet, He loved me. He doesn't want me to live this way. NO. Many of us think "OH, well God knew I was going to be this way, so it's ok for me to live like it." NO!!! He KNEW, but He desires so much more for us. He desires for me to live a controlled life. No, not like a puppet. Control my temper. Control my emotions. I need to know how to control myself. He desires for me to full of joy and content with where I am and what I have. Because, I have so much.

Don't just think that you are stuck and refuse to stay there. God's grace will help us.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

He will give us rest. We just have to come to Him.

Grief

When I wrote my post on Thursday, I was just dealing with some personal things. Frustrations with life and waiting.. September and the "anniversary" of losing our baby always puts me in a funk that is so hard to shake. I grieve for the loss. I grieve for the loss of the babies that I never got to have because of Epilepsy. I just grieve.

When I finished that post, I received a text from someone that I love very much that contained some really terrible news. I am grieving for her and what she found out; for what she is going to continue finding out for many, many years to come. I am heartbroken for her.. for all of them.. It's NOT about me. I have always been such an emotional person, and I feel the weight of what everyone else is going through, but only to an extent. I cannot imagine what she is feeling.

The next day, while picking up fabric for a Halloween costume, I received a phone call that has shattered my world. A friend was gone. Her life ended in the most shocking way imaginable, and I cannot wrap my mind around it. I just can't. I loved her. She was incredible and so full of life. She was hilarious and caring.. just amazing. I had just seen her when we were visiting our home church. I was able to give her a huge hug (she gives some of the best) and tell her how happy I was to see her.

When I was pregnant with Addison, we were home for my sister's wedding. This friend came up to me and said "Oh, I didn't know you were pregnant again!" I looked at her and said "What are you talking about?". I should back up. This friend is as sarcastic as they come. Or was, I guess. She liked pranks and all of that fun stuff. She stumbled over her words and a lot of "oh, you're.. you're not..." started coming out and I couldn't contain my laughter. I was 9 months pregnant. Big as a whale pregnant. She couldn't believe that I did that to her, and cracked up.

So, when I saw her this time, I told her that I was just talking about her and hoping that we were still friends after that. "We are. We are still friends." I remember telling her that I was glad. But, did I say enough? Gosh. That was our last conversation before she said bye to me after church. I heard Pastor whisper in her ear, "I love you. You know that? You know that I love you?" Why didn't I tell her that?! Why didn't I say more? Why did I joke about something stupid.

You NEVER know when it is going to be your last conversation with someone.. This grief is heavy. These regrets hurt. I should have told her how much she meant to me, because now I can't. I can't get that back.


I am trying SO HARD to lean on God, as I know that I should. But, it's hard to not be angry. He is good. He is ALWAYS, ALWAYS good and I KNOW that. But, I don't understand this. So, I continue praying and crying and trying hard to remember that He walked this earth in the form of a man. He knew all of these hurts and heartaches. He knows.

Jeremy Camp - He Knows (Lyric Video)

In this season of "stuck" I am constantly trying to remember this. My life is not bad. In fact, it is pretty wonderful to have three amazing little girls and a ridiculously handsome husband by my side. But, it doesn't feel "beautiful" right now. If that makes any sense at all? We are hurting and praying our way through some obstacles and challenges.

Life is beautiful though. It may not look like it right now, but it will be. God will open up the perfect door for us. He will show us his will and what this puzzle is that he is creating. We are being handed one piece at a time and we have to move and twist it to figure out just where it fits in all of this.

We have to have faith. God has never let us down before. Some days it feels like we are just falling, right? We ask God where He is in all of this.

He is preventing things from happening that we don't see. He is working in so many ways that we just cannot understand or fathom. What He has planned is far more beautiful than we can plan for ourselves.

What is God using to test you in right now? Are you trusting in Him and His plan? Are you so weary that you can't even pray; all you can do is cry? God knows. He hears the crying of your heart. Even though you may not be able to form the words, He knows....

And that reminds me of a beautiful Jeremy Camp song.

October Eves

October is my favorite month. I love the weather, pumpkin patch going, decorating for Halloween; all of it.

This October has just stunk though. It's kind of frustrating.

Scott and I are still in a waiting period. We're trying to praise in the hallway, but after 6 months or more of hanging in the hallway, it's starting to feel like the walls are closing in. Frustration is mounting. Exhausting is setting in.

October 1st Harper had her finger slammed in a bedroom door by one of her big sisters. Not a big deal, right? Not usually, but this time it cut a big chunk of her pinky off. Thankfully, no bone was broken, and it is healing as well as it can. Her finger is going to be deformed, but she is going to be just fine. Her chunky legs have been getting caught in the slats of her crib. Yesterday, it got stuck really badly and her leg is now black and blue. We've ordered some Wonder Bumpers to see if they help. If not, back they go. I'm also going to get some sleep sacks to put her in. I don't know what else to do. For now, she is sleeping in the pack and play.

We just keep getting more and more bad news in our family.. like, seriously, just STOP. Yes, I work with teenagers and that is exactly how they speak. But, I am so tired. I am TIRED of bad news. I am tired of heartache and hurt. I am just trying to lean on God's promises. We all need to.

Imange from French Press Mornings

I Will Carry You

"I will carry you
While your heart beats here;
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years.
I will carry you
All my life.
I will praise the one who's chosen me
To carry you."

That is the chorus of a song called "I will carry you" by Selah. It has stuck with me over the past three years. I have written more times than I can count about my loss; our families loss. A couple of weeks ago the girls were asking about what "number" they were in our family. I took it is a great opportunity to tell them that they have a sibling in heaven that they get to meet one day. I don't think any of it stuck. But, Quinn mattered. Quinn is just as much a part of our family as Chloe, Addi, and Harper are. We are a 6 person family even though it looks very different than I imagined.

It was my biggest fear to lost a child. I feared miscarriage in such a strange way. Even as a teenager who always dreamed of being a mommy, I feared it.

Anyway, ever since my fear came to life, I have searched for a piece of jewelry to wear in honor of Quinn. I wanted something permanent to have here on earth. A tattoo is not in the equation for me.. though I do have a design in my mind.

We traveled last week to see family. A friend of mine asked me for my address and said that she was sending me a surprise. I had no idea what she could possibly be sending to me. We left town for 10 days, so we didn't get our mail for that time.

Scott picked up our mail today from our neighbor. I opened a package from a company called Eclectic Pretties. Imagine my surprise when I saw this inside..

I can't capture the perfection of this in pictures.

I am blown away. Just seeing Quinn's name; my Quinn, not some random Quinn caused a huge flood of emotions to wash over me. It is so beautiful.

This friend went through the same loss within weeks of me. We leaned hard on each other and talked through our grief a lot. The fact that she thought to do something so wonderful for me is just incredible. She had a really beautiful letter in with the package.

Ya'll. People are so good. Sometimes we see all of the ugliness in this world and we forget how wonderful people can be. I have never thought of this friend as anything but wonderful. We met back when I worked at a huge daycare. Who knew that a daycare could bring me so many wonderful friends who I am still close to all of these years later.

Some people may forget that tiny life, but I never will. This month is Infant Loss Awareness Month. What a wonderful month to receive such a special gift.

Werk.

I know that I have mentioned before that I sell Jamberry. It has been in a downward slump for the past few months. Honestly, it's been a blessing. There has been so much going on in life that I needed the break. However, this month has been great.

I have had three really great parties. I am finally feeling "back" and I enjoy the work. My team is amazing. My "Jam-mom" is awesome. My Team Manager is awesome. I am really hoping to start building my team soon. I would love to be able to encourage and help some other women in their Jamberry business the way that I have been.

I have made this my motto. I never want to be dishonest about my business. If I don't like a product, I'm not going to say that I do. I make a huge effort to try out every new product that we have. If I haven't tried it, I don't talk about it like I have. I will let customers know about the product, and what I have heard about it.

Shouldn't every business worker run their business that way? Honesty. Integrity. These values are all encouraged in us by the higher-ups in the company. I love, love working for Jamberry. I have never once regretted joining this amazing company. I highly recommend it to any other woman who is looking for some extra income. Especially with the holidays coming up. The kit is 100% worth the cost, and even if you don't want to sell, it is a great thing to purchase. Plus, you get a discount on any product that you purchase. Wouldn't you love to work like this?

If you are ever interested in just hosting a party or seeing what Jamberry is all about, let me know. I'd love to share some more information with you.

Woah.

It is Monday. Good grief.

Teaching phonics is like beating your head into a wall. Harper chooses that specific time to start crying and pulling on my legs. It doesn't matter what time we start, or what time I do the phonics lesson, she cries then. She is fine the whole time Chloe is doing worksheets. But, once more one on one time is NECESSARY. Cries. Lots and lots of cries.

My husband woke me up wearing a batman mask and yelling my name over and over again. Every time I would say "What" he would just say "ASHLEY" in his batman voice. Not cool, husband. Not cool at all.

But, kinda funny.. aside from my strong feelings towards mornings.

I hope that your Monday is going well. National Coffee Day is tomorrow! Free coffee at Dunkin' Donuts!!

a cat sat.

"a cat sat."

That is the first sentence Chloe read. (The "a" is not capitalized because we will be working on that later.) She read it all by herself without any help. She wrote it by herself also, but she was writing it humongous, so I showed her how to write on the lines and she wrote it again.

Homeschooling is hard. It's really, really hard. It's made even more difficult when my phone is constantly ringing. I don't answer it, ya'll. School time. I don't answer it during nap time anymore either because I write and do my Jamberry work. So- my phone hours are after 3 PM. Then, you have a chance of me maybe answering. Maybe. I don't like talking on the phone because my house is loud and I end up yelling over the noise and being unable to hear what the other person is saying.

Anyway, it's hard. Trying to keep three kids of very different learning levels entertained is tough. Chloe is a champ and blocks out Addi putting a Barbie on her head and Harper pulling her hair. I'm telling you, last week I told Scott that I couldn't do this. I didn't want to do it anymore because, well, last week was awful. I'll just be honest. Nothing went right and I had a lot on my plate. However, watching Chloe's eyes light up when she READS a word is just INCREDIBLE. I can't imagine having sent her to school and missing these moments with her. It's awesome. It's still hard, but so rewarding. She is working on 16 words now. She can read most of them if she focuses and thinks. There are a few that are tricky to her, but she is doing such an awesome job.

This motherhood business.. I tell ya. It's hard. I am exhausted. There are days when I beg for just an hour away. I just want to go somewhere and space out until I drool because my brain is so exhausted.

That is why MOPS means so much to me. I am walking this journey alongside of these women. We are all tired and weary. I love that God has given me the opportunity to pour into these mamas in such an awesome way. It's amazing that the more you pour yourself out, the more you become filled.

Notice Good Things. Celebrate!

I haven't had much to say lately. Homeschooling is in full swing with Chloe. We just had our first MOPS meeting today. Doctors appointments have been happening left and right. This phase of life is BUSY. I can't wait to slow it down and visit our families very soon. We haven't been on vacation since April. Usually, we only do one week a year (even though Scott gets two). This year I said I was sick of it, so we are going soon. Actually, last year I was sick of it and we were two weeks away from vacation when I had a seizure and had to see doctors 3-4 times a week. Vacation cancelled. Womp.

I am so excited. Fall starts tomorrow. YAY!!! I love fall. Oh, you didn't know that?

At MOPS today, it was all about celebrating. Celebrating for no reason. Living your life fully awake and alive. Enjoying the every day moments. Now, as a mom, those every day moments can feel monotonous. We get bogged down with dishes (I seriously just typed diseases?!) and laundry. Butt wiping, mess cleaning up, and making meals. We get into survival mode and can't seem to claw our way out. It's terrible.

Life is grand. How can you make this next week a celebration? That was our challenge.

We are going to decorate for Halloween tomorrow. Since we won't be home the whole time to enjoy our decorations, I am breaking a rule and decorating early. When we decorate for a holiday, we don't just decorate. We typically make a snack of some sort to go along with it. We watch movies with that theme. So, Hocus Pocus it is!! We will celebrate with Halloween pretzels and maybe even some candy corn. I hope to pass along my love of holidays to the girls. I think it's already working.

As we say in MOPS:

Yesterday

Yesterday was the day. Yesterday was three years of our Quinny being in heaven. This whole week brings so much weight with it. I went to the ER on the 16th in the middle of the night because I started bleeding. I spent the day of the 17th praying that the ultrasound was wrong. I spent the 18th in labor to bring that tiny fragile baby into this world; though Quinn was already with Jesus.

I am never really sure what to do or how to handle that day. It is hard. It gets easier, I guess. I am not as angry as I once was. I have moments where I even feel thankful. This world is a mess. I am SO thankful for my three healthy girls. But, they are going to have heart ache. They will struggle through this life. Quinn has NEVER known anything but love. Could there really be anything more beautiful than that?

Some people don't want to mention it. I understand. They don't want to make me think of the pain if I have forgotten. I won't forget. It is so nice to know that Quinn's life mattered. I believe that life begins immediately at conception. Quinn had a life. It was short. I carried Quinn for almost 12 weeks. One day, the life was gone and I was left waiting for the inevitable.

I don't know why this happened. I blame myself a lot. If I just hadn't run the Warrior Dash, I wouldn't have hurt that baby so much. But, I have to stop. I don't know that I caused this to happen... though I truly believe that I did. God had his reasons though. I had no idea that I was pregnant. I never would have done that race if I knew. I would have taken care of my body and baby. Oh, the blame and guilt. It is something that I have to give over to God often. I have to believe that something good will come from all of this.

There is a quote that says "Your greatest ministries will come out of your deepest hurts." I have tried to soak that in and believe it with every fiber of my being. When I lost Quinn, I had three other people in my life who lost babies shortly after I did. I debated yesterday about posting any part of our story on social media. I didn't want people to think I was being dramatic.. or, I don't even know. At the end of the day I realized that I needed to organize my thoughts and say something or I would never get any sleep. There was a mom who replied here and I need you all to click over there. Read and pray for her. My heart is heavy for what she is going through. God is the great physician. He CAN perform miracles. He may chose not to, and we will never know why, but PLEASE pray for her. Pray that God will put the right words in me to say to her. I cannot do anything to help her, but I know that He can.

Encouragement

We are a week and a half into homeschooling. Can I just be completely honest? I already want to throw in the towel. I feel like an awful mom even admitting that.

I ABSOLUTELY know that this is what God wants us to do right now, in this season. I don't know why, because it is the most difficult season to start.

Chloe is learning really well. She is a bright and smart little girl. Here is the problem. Harper cries. A lot. She is teething right now and wants held, but it is impossible to hold a crying infant and work with a Kindergartener. I understand her crying, because molars hurt. But, Harper crying and Addi's endless energy bouncing around make it difficult for me to concentrate. Chloe can't focus either.

We just need to find some balance. I need to find a way to keep Harper happy. Addison is usually fine. She will play with play-doh or color a picture. Sometimes she even sits and listens to our History and Science lessons. Like I had said before, we aren't starting anything concrete with Addi yet since she is still only three. Next year we will start preschool with her. For now, it's good to start with just one and go up from there.

Fellow homeschool moms, what are some tips for keeping a one year old entertained during school work? I am clueless here. I used to do a lot of sensory play with the other two when they were little. A lot of those activities required a lot of supervision, so I need some new ideas. I'm all eyeballs!! And, if you think of us, pray for us. It's tough for all five of us to adjust and get this figured out.

I Want to be Like Her, but how?

I don't know about you, but as a woman, Proverbs 31 is probably THE most intimidating passage of scripture for me. Here is this woman who can do it all. She balances it all and is looked up to as "the" woman to be like. Let's take a look at some of her attributes.

- Her husband trusts her.
- She works with her hands-willingly.
- She prepares food for her family.
- She wakes up early. (Ouch!)
- She works at home.
- She is strong- both physically and spiritually.
- She works into the night.
- She reaches out to the poor.
- She is prepared.
- Her husband is known for his amazing wife.
- She makes clothing and sells it. She holds a job.
- She is wise.
- She is beautiful.
- She is not idle.
- Her husband and children praise her.

That is just a condensed list. Wow. This woman must have superpowers, right? She stays up late working. She wakes up early to work. She is strong and smart and beautiful. But, how on earth can we achieve all of this?

I am a check list kind of lady. I like to make a list of what to do through the day. I love checking things off as completed. If I do something that isn't on the list, you better believe I add it just for the satisfaction of checking it off. Drink coffee? Check!

Do you think that God REALLY cares about our lists at the end of the day? No! Yes, he wants us to be a good steward of the time that he has given us. But, we don't hand over our list to God and say "Here, look what I did!!" I would probably be ashamed of my coffee drinking being on my list. Yep, that sure does a lot of good for the Lord. Yikes.

Maybe we need to stop focusing so much on our LIST. Maybe we need to just look to the real perfect example. Jesus. If we work towards being more and more like Christ, we will be molded and shaped into the women that God wants us to be. We need to love the way that He loved and serve the way that He served. Ephesians 5:2 - "And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour."

We need to stop being so hard on ourselves.

I was created by God. Ephesians 2:10 says that we are His workmanship. He created me as a woman with emotions. I am an emotional creature; more emotional than most. I often feel ashamed of this, and try to hide it. As long as I don't let my emotions control me, this is NOT a bad thing. God created me exactly how He wanted me. He can use me exactly as I am, as long as I am willing to obey his commands and leading. I have to let go of my criticisms and checklists and look to HIM. Yes, the Proverbs 31 woman is an amazing woman to strive to be like, but we need to strive even more to be like Jesus. THAT is how we will become the P31 woman.

What criticisms of yourself do you need to let go of today?

Fall Wish List

As stated probably one hundred times before, I love fall. I love comfy scarves and sweaters. There are many, many items that I have been drooling over for months (or years) and I decided to put them all in one place. I am saving whatever I make from Jamberry in the hopes of buying my ultimate drool-worthy item- a Lily Jade diaper bag. Since working for Jamberry, I have really tried to focus on small businesses. It usually comes at a higher price-point. However, I know that what I pay is going to help that family pay bills and make a living while still doing what they love. There is so much passion in these businesses that it is hard not to want to support them. None of them have paid me to say these things about them, I just genuinely love them.

Nickel & Suede Gold Cuff: I love Nickel & Suede. They have many, many, many leather cuffs that I love. This one looks like a stack of gold bracelets. But, it's not noisy and clangy. They have many other colors and styles that I love. I thought it would be excessive to add every item on my wishlist, but every cuff is lovely. N&S even has fringe cuffs. All the fringe!! They have super lightweight leather earrings that are adorable, too. I don't wear anything but stud earrings, so those aren't really for me, but go check them out.

This Mama Bear Mason Tumbler is adorable. I am a mama bear who loves mason jars and glitter..and iced coffee. There is no bad. They have many, many other tumblers and coffee cups that are adorable, too, but this is my favorite!!

This Nickel & Suede scarf is fantastic. This is strictly a cool-weather months item and it sells out all the time. I discovered it last year and kept dropping heavy hints about wanting it for Christmas. No luck. HA! It is neutral with a lot of sass. Perfection.

Let's Playground maxi playmats have had my eye for a few months.They are made from bonded leather and range in all different sizes. The maxi is on my list because it's HUGE and would work so well for picnics at the beach, in the yard. I really am wanting it for fall to keep those crunchy leaves out of Harper's mouth, but still get to let her crawl around and enjoy the weather. I love the platinum color, but am afraid the sun's reflection would be blinding.

Last, but certainly not least is the Lily Jade Shaylee in Brandy. This is one of their brand new designs. I LOVE this one. It is a diaper bag. Really. They are made of beautiful leather and come with a baby bag insert that organizes everything. We have to pack a lot of foods for Harper when we go out since we don't know what is safe for her. Thank you, FPIES. Plus, there are the other two minions who are always giving me their barbies and ponies to stick in my bag.
I currently have a Vera Bradley bag that I like. It's big. But, it screams DIAPER BAG. When (optimism) I can purchase my Lily Jade, I will be able to sell the Vera Bradley bag on Thred Up. That is my referral link, so if you use it- you get $20 to spend and I get $20 when you spend it. ;) I have been entering to win a Lily Jade diaper bag for years with no luck yet. The company really impresses me. They are a company run by a Christian family. I love that they not only have a beautiful product, but they share the love of Jesus on their Instagram page.

What are you drooling over this season?

Fear

This is how Harper woke up today. It looks like she is giving me the stink eye. She's not. Her eye was insanely swollen and droopy. If you know me, you know that my dad had a stroke a few years ago. I have made it a point to memorize the signs of a stroke.
FAST.

F- facial drooping
A- arm weakness
S- slurred speach
T- time (to call 9-1-1)

Those are the signs. I was FREAKING OUT and could only remember facial drooping and slurred speech. She is ONE, she doesn't speak.. and her face was drooping. I kept trying to get her to smile so I could see if her mouth was droopy, too. She was so squirmy and acting silly. I assumed that I was just being silly. She wouldn't have been acting like Harper if she was having a stroke. For Pete's sake.. pediatric strokes present differently, too. So, go look that up. ;)

I called the doctor. They got her in this afternoon. There is some type of palsy that could cause facial drooping like that. Thankfully, it was not the case either. They think she probably got a bug bite in her sleep or that her tear duct clogged in the night. The fluid fills in around the eye when it can't drain properly, and infants eyes swell really easily.

I guess the moral of the story is trust your gut. Even if it ends up being nothing serious, like in this case, you still know your child. I am thankful to have the peace of mind that her eye did indeed look off, and that it is nothing. I would be second guessing all day had I not called the doctor. God made you mama of your babies. You are their protector and provider. Always trust your instincts.



Also, I have never taken all three to the doctor together. I am blessed that Scott has a job where he can come watch the other two while I take one to the doctor (or the vice versa). He was out of town this time. I feel like a warrior for handling that. The resident was so kind while Chloe was sitting in his chair pretending to be a doctor.

I am so proud of my girls. Today was the first day of Kindergarten for Chloe. I don't have many pictures because we were a little rushed today with Harper's "emergency", but I have a few. More on that later.

One Year Favorites

ONE The Baby Jogger City Lite is FANTASTIC. I love this stroller. It is so smooth and lite weight. The canopy is HUGE and actually blocks the sun from Harper's eyes. There are two big peep windows so that you can check on your babe and make sure that he or she is ok. The basket is a little on the small side, but in all of our stroller-using years, I rarely ever use the basket anyway. I got the parent console to go on our stroller. It holds my drink and I can put my phone, keys, and the rock collections that inevitably come with us inside. Baby jogger just came out with a new console that looks even better.

TWO This Fisher Price Learning Home was a gift to us from a lady in our church. Harper absolutely loves this thing. She is obsessed with opening and closing doors, so she stays entertained for a long time. It plays lots of music and leaves her grooving along. It is adorable. Chloe and Addison even have fun playing with this. They climb on it and flip it around, and it is still sturdy as can be. It is not the most aesthetically pleasing toy, but so much fun for Harper. That is the whole point of toys, so I count it a major win!

THREE We bought this Radio Flyer Walker Wagon for Harper's first birthday. It is AMAZING. She walks back and forth through the house and cracks up laughing the whole time. She goes and goes until she crashes into something. We turn it around so that she can be on the run again. She loves to throw toys and whatever she can get her hands on inside.

FOUR These Munchkin cups are the best!! The lid screws on and can't be popped off. It is harder for her to dump her snacks all over the floor, and often knocks some of them out of her hand. If you have a one-year-old, you know why this is a huge plus. Those chubby fingers cram as much as possible into her mouth. I love the sweet ballerinas on Harper's cup, too.

FIVE I also love these Lansinoh mOmma cups. Harper is just learning to use a straw. They don't leak too much (seriously, is there a cup that DOESN'T leak?) and they are adorable!!! I want a giant cup like this for myself.

SIX I love these Melissa & Doug chunky puzzles so much. We redeemed Pamper's reward points to get this puzzle. The pieces are big and sturdy enough to withstand hulk-smashes into the floor, and being thrown across the room. They are easy for Harper to pick up. I want to check out some of their puzzles with the giant knobs. I really love all Melissa & Doug products. They are good quality, and SO good for teaching all of my kids.




These are just some of my favorites. Is there anything that you would add to this list? I feel like it has been forever since I've had a one year old. I love this age. There is so much learning and processing going on. I really can't say enough about this age. It is probably my favorite age so far.

Bloglovin update

Since my name change, I completely forgot to update Bloglovin! No wonder no one is getting updates anymore.

Here you go!

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Our homeschool setup

We start Kindergarten in 5 days!! AHHHH! Where has the time gone and how is my first born old enough for Kindergarten?!

Our homeschool setup is kind of sad. We don't have the space to do anything spectacular, nor do we currently have the funds for it. What we have is functional, though, and that is really the important thing. I didn't want to put tons of work and effort into it because it may change soon. Please don't judge me for that. There is a GOOD reason for it, not just laziness. I am not at liberty to share that part of our lives yet. ;)

Here is our school calendar. I wish that I had bought one with "first day of school" and holiday pictures. The hanging folder organizer is for extra papers for the girls to do. The bulk of her school work is in workbooks that don't tear out, so this will be for all of the printables that we do. There are five pockets, so I can organize one week at a time.

Here is our shelf system. There is a blue basket on top that holds all of her workbooks and our read-aloud book. I am sure that this will change as we get going and find things that work better. For now, it keeps everything together. The tubs on the first shelf have the girls' crayon boxes and small maker boards to practice writing on. There's also a folder to hold their work for the day (so they can show daddy all of their hard work) and a dry erase pocket that will allow them to trace over a word or letter many times over. The middle row of shelves has extra workbooks that have been picked up over the years. The bottom shelf has puzzles and board books that Harper can get in to while we are doing school. If anyone has suggestions for keeping a one-year-old entertained while doing school with older kids- I am all great big ears....
I also have a large marker board to write their memory verses on, along with the usual use. (Ours is a Board Dude with black frame from Target) It is mounted with command strips so that we don't put tons of holes in the walls of the main living space. And, I can rearrange if I need to.

This is quite possible the most depressing part. My sister found these great kids' desks at a thrift store in her area. She snatched them up for me and had my parents deliver them. I have been racking my brain to figure out a way to make them more fun. For now, it is against the wall on the opposite side of the table. I can move it out when we are doing school work, and then tuck it back against the wall. I love this desk because I remember using them in school. There is also a smaller leap frog desk that is for Addison. It is in the play room right now while I figure out what the heck I am doing here. I am trying so hard to figure out how to get it all together somehow.

I thought about making the playroom into a homeschool room and weeding out a lot of the big toys. The main thing in the play room is a play kitchen and a barbie house. However, that would leave Harper roaming the rest of the house alone, or trapped in the room with us. Neither option seemed very good. Especially her roaming the house, as you can tell by the above picture. I think that this will be really functional, though incredibly disappointing to me because I have had so many great ideas for how to better set up. If only we could wiggle our nose and add on some extra square footage.

Jamberry

I LOVE Jamberry. I am so thankful to work for such an awesome company. I also believe in the product that I am selling. I am a busy mom who stuffs cloth diapers, and my wraps stay on for nearly two weeks. Sometimes I change them before I need to. They come in so many fun prints, or pretty solids. If nail wraps aren't your thing, we have lacquers that are free from the 5 harmful ingredients found in traditional nail polish. Best of all, when you order, you are helping me support my family while getting to be at home with my kids doing what I love.

Our brand new Fall catalog came out today. There are so many fun holiday wraps to choose from! There are so many beautiful wraps. We have a brand new gel kit that you can purchase. Here's the awesome thing: it uses an LED light instead of the harmful UV, and the lacquers are 5 free!!

Go check it out here: ashleypullen.jamberrynails.net

If you'd like to give them a try, send me an e-mail and I will get a sample out for you to try! If you'd like to see what working for Jamberry is all about, let me know. I'd love to give you some NO PRESSURE information.

This is Halloween

I know. This is not really Hallowen. I love Halloween and am dreaming about it. I think it is such a silly and fun holiday. I love this time of year for reasons that I have listed many times. I love to start seeing which places are coming out with Halloween outfits and fun stuff for the kids. Here is a run down of my favorites.

one / two / three / four / five / five

I have girls, so I look for clothes for them. Those adorable pink jammies with black cats are so sweet. They also have bats for boys. So cute.

I love these you've been booed cones to hang on your neighbors doors. Our church does a fall festival on Halloween, and I think that these would be fun to put out with flyers about our event.

This has been my favorite Halloween decoration for a while. I always miss the witches hats after Halloween. How does that happen?! Last year I struck gold. I found hats and brooms for around $1 a piece. I cannot wait to put it all together this year. The girls will love it.

I did these donut faces last year. The girls thought that it was hilarious.

There are so many other ideas on my pinterest board. I wish that I could do them all!

Tomorrow is September 1st. That means that I get to decorate for fall. I hold off on Halloween until October. I love pulling out decorations for each holiday. I want my girls to have special memories like I do from my childhood.


Also, if anyone wants to buy this cat pillow for me I would appreciate it. Thanks.

lately

I finished physical therapy on my knee today. I loved it. I feel stronger. It gave me a boost to get started at taking care of my health. I used to love running. It is HARD to get started after taking so much time off. I have been working out three times a week for an hour. I am stronger. I am sore. My body aches from working so many muscles that haven't been worked in a long time.

I am still awaiting a brace for my wrist. I developed carpal tunnel when I was pregnant with Chloe. It never went away in my right hand. It goes numb constantly. It sometimes has shooting pains. My doctor is getting a brace for me that I have to wear ALL day. That is really not cool... but neither is numb hands..

I also am awaiting more test results. ;) I feel like a human guinea pig. My arms are constantly bruised from blood work. HA. At least I am getting answers.

This has been such a trying year. I am so glad that we are entering my favorite season. It makes my heart happy. But, I already wrote about that..

Harper is ONE

I kind of peetered out on posting monthly updates about Harper. Life gets busy when you have three kids. Wowza! She turned one last month, and I figure it's time to do an update on our sweet girl. I cried a lot the night before she turned one. I still cry a lot. Time is such a thief. I have tried soaking up every minute with each girl, and it just goes too quickly.

Harper is still sweet as can be. She took her first real steps on August 16th. My parents were here and got to see them, which is really fun! She loves to crawl around with herMunchkin snack catcher and eat cheerios. I love this brand of snack cup because the lid twists on. The flaps on top are also harder for her to dump out the entire contents of her cup. Win-win! She LOVES bananas and ate two whole bananas and a chicken breast in one sitting. Kid can eat.

At her one year well visit, she was 19 pounds 2 ounces (10-25th percentile) and 28 3/4 inches long (25-50th percentile). She is a petite little girl, and I love it. The doctor told me to fatter her up. Hmm.. she already eats as much as I do. What else can I do?! haha! She is starting to outgrow her 12 month sleepers, but 18 month are WAAAAAAAY too big. How does that happen?! I guess when you have clothes for 5 years, they shrink? Who knows.

Harper loves her walker wagon that she got for her birthday. She cruises through the house until she bumps into something. It doesn't take long, but the girls love helping her get un-stuck. She piles toys into it. One day she had a pot and wooden spoon in it. You can't go anywhere without a pot and spoon. She loves that I keep the door open during the cool days and stands at the door yelling "DA DA DA DA" whenever Scott leaves for work. If Scott isn't visible, she is just yelling. Our neighbors were out there one day and she kept squawking louder and louder, but I don't think they noticed her. It was so funny. I told them about it, and now they make sure to look for her now and say hi to her. (They love our girls.. I'm not demanding that of them.) If you didn't know, our neighbors are our pastor and his wife. AKA Scott's boss and his wife.

She is also a little mountain climber. I had a kid chair sitting in front of the couch. She scaled it, crawled across the couch, and was happily sitting on the end table when I caught her. She was just drumming away on the lamp with a colored pencil that she found. There is never a dull moment around here.

If I am sitting on the floor, she will crawl up into my lap and sit. She loves to have books read to her and is drawn to anything shiny and sparkly. She gives great big hugs and slobbery kisses. I really could go on and on about her sweet attributes. Girl is getting her molars right now, so she has been a slobbery beast. I feel so badly for her because I know it has to hurt. She takes it like a champ usually, so I shouldn't complain about it.

I have the best kiddos, even if they are making me CRAZY this week.

Autumn on my mind

The weather in Michigan has been pretty lovely the past couple of days. The weather has barely reached 70 degrees. It's perfect. I LOVE this weather. I love wearing comfy sweaters and snuggling under blankets, but not needing a coat and feeling my nose freezing off of my face. (Let's all take a minute to laugh that I just typed noze.)

I love fall. I loved fall before it was cool to love fall. Fall always meant back to school. It meant going to watch football games and watching my now-husband playing football. Now, it is just lovely weather. The air feels crisp. I don't know how to describe it. You can feel the difference. The leaves start to change colors and there is an array of reds, oranges, and yellows everywhere you look. Apple cider. Pumpkin pie. How could there be any bad?

Oh, autumn. October is my favorite month of the year. We aren't quite there yet, but we are close. I make myself wait until September 1st to put out my pumpkin decorations. Next comes Halloween, which is just a barrel of silly fun. This is the best time of the year.

I want to live there. If there were a place that autumn lasted year round, I would be moving there in a heart beat.

What is your favorite season? Are you a fall fanatic, or do you prefer hot summers or cool spring? I won't even go to winter, because WHO would love that?! ;)

If you need me, I'll be sitting under a blanket reading to my littles.

Finding my style

I have always admired people who know what their style is. They know their body so well that they can dress and look fabulous, even in jeans and a t-shirt.

All that I know is that I love high-wasted denim. I don't tuck my shirts in. I can tuck the leftover pregnancy pounds and skin into the jeans and my tummy appears flat. I love to be comfortable. I refuse to wear sweats unless I am sick. Modesty is my #1 priority.

I am so over the skinny jeans trend. I like them, but I certainly don't love them. I love flare legged jeans. I am so happy to see them in stores again. I want to stock up forever and ever so that the next time the skinnies or bootcut jeans come back, I can have my favorites. QUALITY. This is where quality comes in handy. I really want to be able to pull off certain styles. I love bohemian. I love the laid-back feel of it. The fabrics are so beautiful, as well as the patterns, but I feel like I would look silly. When you can't wear your clothes confidently, there is a problem. Here are some of my favorite looks, all found on pinterest.

I also obviously have fall on the brain, as you can tell by the colors and sweaters. I love fall weather. i love fall clothing. I can't wait for fall.

I love for my pinterest inspiration to be doable. I hate looking at outfits and seeing outfits that are over the top, and impossible to wear with children. I want to look nice, but still be able to be mom and do all that is required of me throughout the day!

What are your favorite looks? Are you a skinny jeans lover or is there another cut you miss?

Something greater...

And, oh, how I can't wait.


I miss adventure. My husband and I used to get in the car and drive to various places in our first year of marriage. We would have a day off together and just go. Once we got into ministry, it stopped. He worked 7 days a week, and we couldn't adventure anymore. I would occasionally reserve a hotel room for a night for us to "get away" from reality. With kids, that is impossible now.

I am not at all complaining about my children. I love them. I wouldn't trade them. I want to adventure WITH them. We still don't go on adventures. I am longing for God to say "go" to us. Patience is so difficult.

A Wise Woman

"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1


I have been thinking on this verse a lot lately. My attitude isn't always the greatest. I struggle with many things; especially as of late.

My WORDS have the power to build up my "house" (my children, my husband, etc.) or than can completely tear it down.

My ACTIONS have the power to build up my house or tear it down.

My ATTITUDE has the power to build up my house or tear it down.

The wife has incredible power in her home. As does the husband, but this verse is not talking about a husband. We (women) need to realize the power that God has given us. My attitude has the ability to stear our home down an amazing path full of joy. It also has the ability to stear us down a miserable path.


It is a man's responsibility to lead the family. I wholeheartedly believe that. A woman is often the one at home with her children most of the day. (Often.. no one stone me if this is not how your life goes) Because of all of this time that we have at home, we have the most power over our children, especially.

I have noticed my girls picking up on my rotten attitude about certain things. Often, it is our home and how often I trip over and run into things because it's cluttered. I mumbled under my breath something about hating this place. Addi apparently heard me. She got mad at a toy and said "I HATE THIS!!"

Mamas, they hear. They hear even when you don't think they are listening. Do not be a fool and tear your house down with your words. Don't be stuck living with the regret that I have. I shouldn't speak that way at any time. I should be grateful for what we have, because we are so richly blessed.

I do not want to be foolish. I don't want to tear my house down with my words, actions, and attitudes.

Homeschool Room Inspiration

We are starting Kindergarten with Chloe this year. Addison is still young, but so eager to learn, so I am going to be doing some preschool work with her, but nothing too much. Her attention span is pretty short. She is young. It should be!

I am racking my brain trying to think of how to create a functional homeschool space for us. Our house is small, if I haven't told you that. wink. We have a walk-in-closet sized "bedroom" that most of the toys are in. I have cleaned it up and can use half of the space for homeschool, while the other half would still be play room. I don't want to set up the space out in our main living area. There would just be far too much clutter. Plus, the TV is in our main living space. I don't want it to become tempting, or distracting.

Here are some of my favorite inspirations for homeschooling.

This one at Dawn Nicole is set up as a homework command center, but it is perfect for small spaces. I love that everything has it's own little space. The walls up the side might feel too tight, especially since we will be working on handwriting, etc. I need some room to hover. You know.

This one is just an image that I found while googling. I love that each desk has it's own color to make the space feel personal. But, it's totally not necessary. Those desks are perfect. Nothing fancy, but completely functional.

This image.. I have no clue where it is from. Pinterest? That apple clock though. Oh my goodness, gracious! That apple clock is adorable. It makes my former-teacher self very happy!!

I am not a huge primary color fan. But, this room is just so cute. It's a fully-stocked homeschool room. It really looks just like a little classroom in your home. We had a table like this one that we borrowed from our church for a few months last year. It took up almost the entire space that we have to work with. Otherwise, it would be PERFECT to use. There is plenty of space for all of the hands-on learning that we like to do. There was plenty of space for my papers and books to sit. There was plenty of space for both Chloe and Addison to sit at, and eventually add Harper into the mix.

The only problem, it was HUGE!! I tried it in our living room even. But, it took up most all of the space in there. Where would my kids play?! When I say that this house is small, I do not exaggerate. haha! But, we have a roof over our heads and a warm place to sleep. I am hoping to find some children's desks for free or cheap. I look at craigslist often.

This is my dream room for homeschooling.

Go check out the full tour! I love this space!!! I love how colorful it is without being overwhelming to the eye. It's so calming, but still fun. I really can't even find the words. It's just lovely.


What are your favorite homeschooling spaces? Do you like the literal classroom look, or do you like to shake it up a little?

I like a little bit of both. Some of the typical classroom with a lot of our personalities thrown in.