Hug a little tighter..

Do you ever have those days where you just want to hold your children, and never let them go? That is how I am feeling today. I got a text message from my husband telling me that the man I asked you to pray for (Jim Luna) has been given only hours to live. Shot one to the heart. Then, there is a family that I have been praying for- Collin and Seth Lee- who had their baby at 28 or so weeks. She was a 2 pound little baby with not too many problems considering how small she was. Then, things took a turn for the worse when she was diagnosed with a deadly disease. Today, that sweet baby went into the arms of Jesus. My heart is broken for this family. Collin and I were in a lot of the same classes at BBC. I didn't have a lot of friends at BBC because I worked 30+ hours at COX South, and took 18-21 credit hours every semester. So, I didn't know her very well. I remember that she was kind and beautiful! That is about all I remember about most people at BBC...

Anyway, I am realizing how blessed that I am to have two beautiful healthy baby girls to hold and love on. Yes, I have a baby in heaven that I never got to meet. Carrying a baby for 12 weeks, for it to only end in good-bye was heart wrenching. I am not over it. I will never be "over" it. But, I could not imagine HOLDING your baby.. kissing and loving on your tiny precious miracle, to only get a few weeks, or days, or hours with them. Life is so short. Life is precious and fragile. Hold your babies tight. Love on them. Remember in the tough hours that at least you have them to frustrate you. Life isn't perfect. I have my moments where I want to pull my hair out. But, I would rather be bald with my sweet girls than have perfect hair without them.

Here is the facebook page for baby Eden. Here They are setting up for people to send donations, etc. to this family to help with medical costs, etc. I am not pushing you to do so, but maybe you can leave a note of encouragement for the family. Say a quick prayer for them. I am literally sick to my stomach over the heartache she must be feeling.. I cannot imagine...



Update: Jim Luna passed away this afternoon. Please keep his family in your prayers. I also found out that my sister's van caught on fire today. She was in it with my niece, nephew, and my niece's friend. She opened the hood and saw flames, yelled "get out!" to the kids and was able to get them to safety. The fire burned the engine, hood, headlights, etc. I am so thankful that everyone was kept safe during this.

Successful Summer Memories

I apologize for the "randomocity" of my post yesterday! My brain was in far too many places to have any logical thoughts.

The girls did not like the sprinkler at first. They both cried. I unhooked the sprinkler and just sprayed them with the hose. They loved playing in the water that way. Our sprinkler is a little fierce though. It is one that is like an extension of the hose, then has all of these mini-hoses that come out and spray all over the place. They wiggle around and randomly shoot you in the eye. I know that when they are older they will love it. Right now, I think it's just a bit much for them. I will have to find one that is a little better for their age. We all had a blast.

My hubby was super stressed out yesterday. We have taken on re-painting our youth room. On top of that, Pastor just left for a 3 week vacation. That means that Scott has to paint, mow the entire church property (which is MASSIVE), do a wedding this weekend, get ready for a possible funeral (that sounds terrible.. pray for this sweet man who is losing the battle with cancer), and do all of his normal youth work. He came home to Addison playing in the sprinkler while Chloe finally got a much-needed nap. He threw on some clothes to play in, and had more fun than the girls did. Chloe eventually had to be woken up so that she could play, too. Scott kept saying over and over again how much fun he was having. I am so thankful for the little things in life. My life really is beautiful! I am so unbelievably blessed!!

I will post some pictures later! Enjoy today! You will never get it back!

Sweet Summertime

I always look forward to summer every year. I have this wonderful picture painted in my head of our family going on vacations, spending time at the beach, swimming, and just having a lot of fun. The reality of summer is that we live in Michigan. Yes, we have the beautiful lakes all around us, but they are at least an hour drive from where we live. Summer is BUSY in youth ministry. You have camp, and a lot of other summer activities. We have to take advantage of the time off of school with our "kids". Am I the only youth pastor wife who views their teens as their own kids?! We had a young man stop and help all of the ladies get down the stairs yesterday at church. I beamed with pride, as if I was his mother. Anyway, back to summer...

Summer is nothing like the image in my head. It is HOT. We had beautiful 70 degree days for WEEKS! But, it was rainy a lot so we couldn't really go out and play much. Now, it is hot. I hate hot. Hot makes me so grouchy. I hate being sticky and sweaty. Addi gets hot really easily, too, so we can't play outside for very long when it's hot. Today, though.. I am tired of my kids being robbed of summer fun. We are putting on our swimsuits and going outside to play in the sprinkler. I keep hoping we can set up our little pool to swim, but we will see. We live on church property and it would kill a 10-12 foot circle of grass. :/ Scott has a softball game tonight, so we are daddy-less again. I want the girls to look back and have awesome memories of their childhood.

Ministry is tough. I know a lot of ministry kids who leave the church because they felt their parents put the church before their family. I don't want that for my girls. I want them to see two parents who LOVE JESUS. Who serve him wholeheartedly. I think a lot of people forget that our ministry is our own family, too. We are often expected to drop everything for others ALL THE TIME. Please don't misunderstand me. The blessings of ministry far outweigh the downsides. However, there are many sacrifices that families like ours have to make. We make them willingly. But, I need to remember to make the family time that we do get special. Even if it's just the girls and I because Daddy is often busy. We have lived in Michigan for 4 years.. tomorrow I think actually makes 4 years for us! WOW! Sadly, we don't really know what there is in Michigan. We've been to the Detroit zoo countless times. We've been to port huron, Frankenmuth, outlet malls, blah, blah, blah. But, if anyone knows of anything in the state that is FREE, or really cheap, I am open to any suggestions. There are only so many "at the house" activities we can do. ;)

Chloe also got an AWESOME early birthday present from Mimi and Papa Pullen this week!! She is such a big girl! She calls me "mom" all the time, which makes me really sad. I am not old enough to be MOM, and I don't feel like she is old enough to call me that. *sigh* I wish they could stay little forever. Ok, maybe not.. I can't wait for the days when we can shop together and not have them stashing clothes, candy bars, and toys in the stroller. I always have to do a serious search for stolen goods before we leave ANY store. haha! Anyway, my scatter brain needs to be quiet now. Here is a picture of my big girl on her big girl bike!!!!

Caffeine in an IV?

I don't know if anyone actually reads this. Sometimes I get thoughts in my head that make my brain feel like it will explode, so I write them here. If you do read this, I am sorry to waste your time. ha!

If you note the current time at my house, it is around 2 AM! My children WILL NOT STAY ASLEEP! Now, I LOVE being a momma. It's the best job I have ever had. However, this week has been really rough.

Addison is getting her "2 year" molars right now. She is a teething monster. She cries all day long, and nothing really makes her feel better. Well, now it is waking her up at night a LOT. Last night I was up with her a couple of times. Tonight, she has already been up 3 times.

Ever since we switched Chloe to the big-girl bed, she wakes up once a night. Occasionally it is more, but usually once. Sometimes she falls out of her bed. Sometimes she can't find her binky. Sometimes she is thirsty. Sometimes she is just ornery. Tonight, she has also been up around 3 times already. She keeps saying that her leg hurts. She must be having a growth spurt. Great.. She already is squeezing into her 3T tops. Keep in mind that she has not even turned 3 yet! I am glad I have been stocking up on 4T clothes as they are on mega-clearance.

What is the point of me saying all of this? I have no idea. If you were looking for an intelligent post, you have come to the wrong place.

I have a 12-cup coffee maker. I have no interest in one that makes ONE cup of coffee. Because, really, I need more than one cup of coffee to keep up with these little ones. I just brewed a FULL POT so that I can make it through this night. I might have a permanent twitch by the end of the night, but that will just entertain the girls tomorrow morning.

I am thankful to have Swagbucks, the blog universe, and Bible studies to keep me entertained all night.. Maybe I will pass out on the couch. Maybe.

If you DO read this, please keep me in your prayers tomorrow. I have REALLY been working on being "slow to anger", as this is my biggest struggle.. Sleep deprivation usually causes extreme irritability in me. I do not want to be that ugly person. Words can never be unsaid. I have the emotional wounds from my pre-teen and teen years of words that cut deep.. I do not want my girls to have wounds that they have to fight their whole lives to overcome. Also, send coffee. Lots of coffee. Coffee in an IV!

Failure

Have you ever laid down in bed at night only to think, "Man, I really failed today." That has happened to me on many occasions. Last night was one of these. The morning started off great with everyone in good moods. We had an appointment early that went quickly. We ate a good, healthy breakfast. We played, went to Sam's club, ate lunch, and took good naps. That is when it all started. The girls woke up on the wrong side of the bed/crib. G-R-O-U-C-H-Y. All three of us.

I was given a Red Lobster gift card, and this week they had a coupon to get the kids meals free with the purchase of ours. SA-weet! We decided to give Chloe yet another chance to sit in the booth next to us. Dumb. That child is going to be twenty-five and still sitting in a stupid high chair. There is only so much disciplining that you can do in public.. which is practically nothing.. If you DON'T discipline, then you are "that" parent who isn't doing anything. If you DO, then you are "that" parent who supposedly abuses their children. Chloe was all over the place. Under the table- check. Staring at people next to us- check. Screaming- check. This child REALLY tests me... daily. Awesome waiter dude took 100 years getting our check to us. That's how it felt anyway. I finally told Scott that I was taking her to the van because I couldn't take it anymore. I disciplined her real good in the van. She fake-cried acting like she was horribly sorry for her behavior. She fake-coughed to attempt to cover her laughter. Where does a two-year-old get this behavior from?!?!?!??!??!?! I most certainly am not teaching her. Ugh.

From there we got extra stupid and went to the mall. My husband wears his tennis shoes daily. Every single day those things are on his feet. You wondered what that smell was? Oh, yeah, that's his shoes. He pointed out that there is a MASSIVE hole in the toe of his shoes to me the other day. Umm... yeah.. let's get that taken care of. We got him a new pair of shoes while the girls threw fits in the stroller. Addison is usually really good and content as long as she is being wheeled around in her chariot. I think she had enough of Chloe's fantastic, gold star worthy behavior by this time, too. We came home and I felt like I was losing my mind. I wanted to climb into the van and drive away from my life. But, gas prices are $4.29, and I may need both kidneys some day..

I laid down and just thought, "Wow, that was awful!" I yelled. I lost my patience. I didn't show grace, or the love of Jesus to my girls. What if that was the last day I ever got with them? Are those the memories I would want them to have of me? Are those the memories I would want to keep of my last day with them? So often our days are hard. They are long, and seemingly endless. I am tested DAILY by my strong-willed child... who is probably a lot like me and I just don't want to admit it. I had to pray, tell myself I would do better today, and fall asleep in my exhausted and disappointed state while trying to forgive myself.

Today is shaping up to be a lot like yesterday. Chloe is refusing to nap, or even stay away from her door and BE QUIET during her rest time. She has woken Addison up an hour earlier than normal for her. I have an extra toddler who throws epic fits when he is told "no." Pray that I have grace, patience, and wisdom today. I am struggling. I know I am not the only mama who feels this way. We all have these bad days. Maybe if we banded together in prayer for one another, we would have the strength to get through these days.