I am really getting excited for the end of 2013, and the start of 2014. I know so many people who say that they don't make New Year's Resolutions because they never follow through with them anyway. I don't like to set "resolutions", so much as I like to set goals for myself. Last year, Scott and I sat down and wrote out some "family goals" that we wanted to achieve by the end of 2013. I can think of three of our goals.
1. Have Chloe potty trained. We achieved this one, other than that she wears a pull-up at night. Most of the time she wakes up dry, but there are nights that she is wet. I think that for a three-year-old, she is doing AWESOME.
2. Break Chloe of her binky obsession. This one has also been COMPLETELY achieved. She was still getting it at bed time and nap time because.. well, my sanity. My sweet, sweet, sanity. But, she chewed it up, and lost it. It was found a couple of days ago, but since she had been without it for a week or so, we threw it away.
3. Save 1,000 in 2013. We didn't reach this goal due to unforeseen circumstances throughout the year. God has ALWAYS provided and taken care of us, so I really can't complain. We did still save up some "emergency" money, but we just didn't reach our goal.
I think that we may have set a couple more, but I just can't think of what they were at this moment in time.
Where am I going with this? I read over on Jessica's blog, Little Baby Garvin that they are doing a big link-up party after the new year about your resolutions, or even a "theme" that you want your family to have throughout the year. I love the idea of having a word that you focus on through the year. If anyone wants to join in the fun, go check out her blog post and see the instructions. I will be thinking of my goals for 2014, and a word that I want to focus on through the year, and posting them on here at the end of the week.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Sniffles and Insanity
The girls have been sick for 10 DAYS!! Chloe has been well for several days now, but Addison's upper respiratory infection turned into croup, and she just can't kick the fever. She hasn't had one yet today, but that's how it's been for the past several days. She is fine all day, and cranks out a fever come evening time. You know that insanity, right? We have been stuck inside for 10 stinking days. Friday I got out to do grocery shopping and it was heavenly. I felt like skipping through the aisles and singing. I am not a fan of padded walls though, so I resisted the urge
I have been desperate. The girls are tired of each other. They are tired of me. I am tired of Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood and Jake and the Neverland Pirates. It's a madhouse. My husband has had quite a bit going on lately, so he hasn't been able to let me get out in the evenings much at all. He will always send me out AT LEAST once a week to clear my head and have some time alone. He is pretty fantastic. :) Anyway, I am just hitting a roadblock when thinking about what activities to do inside with the girls. I wish we could go outside and play, but the freezing temps and snow are just not allowing for that with sick ones.
If anyone has activities that are easy and fun for toddlers- let me have them. We have done science experiments. We have made cookies. I have tried teaching them how to plank, do push-ups, and squats. We have taken hundreds of baths that included painting the bathtub. Coloring, painting, eating snacks... I need an indoor jungle-gym in my living room. ha! I am so ready to pack away the thermometers, vicks, motrin, and cough syrup for a while. I haven't been to church since October.. This is bonkers.
Being inside like this forces me to organize things, so there is my silver lining. I have been throwing junk away, organizing closets, shelves, and scrubbing everything. With my girls, I get to keep doing it over and over again, so that keeps me from getting bored. haha! Since I haven't been able to walk like I usually do, I have been really trying to focus on eating better. I've been drinking more water, and less sweet tea. I have been trying to keep up with my Dirty Thirty workout, but have been struggling because I feel so completely drained.
I don't even know what I am typing anymore. I really think I am losing my mind, and if you have made it this far, you are a saint. ;) I have been checking the blogs that I follow 93383 times a day hoping for something new to read. So, if you blog, WRITE SOMETHING. I need something to do.
I also have been trying to resist the urge to decorate for Christmas. If you caught what I said before, it has been SNOWING here in Michigan. I want to put up my tree, hang lights and garland. Instead I have been watching Christmas movies repeatedly and drinking some eggnog. I think Scott would go bonkers if he came home to the Christmas tree up in the living room. We need at least one sane person in the house to balance out the madness.
Pray for my girls to start feeling 100%. I hate when they are sick, mostly because I hate seeing them miserable, and partially because I want them to SLEEP!! Pray that my brains don't explode all over the house because I really don't want to clean that mess up.
I have been desperate. The girls are tired of each other. They are tired of me. I am tired of Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood and Jake and the Neverland Pirates. It's a madhouse. My husband has had quite a bit going on lately, so he hasn't been able to let me get out in the evenings much at all. He will always send me out AT LEAST once a week to clear my head and have some time alone. He is pretty fantastic. :) Anyway, I am just hitting a roadblock when thinking about what activities to do inside with the girls. I wish we could go outside and play, but the freezing temps and snow are just not allowing for that with sick ones.
If anyone has activities that are easy and fun for toddlers- let me have them. We have done science experiments. We have made cookies. I have tried teaching them how to plank, do push-ups, and squats. We have taken hundreds of baths that included painting the bathtub. Coloring, painting, eating snacks... I need an indoor jungle-gym in my living room. ha! I am so ready to pack away the thermometers, vicks, motrin, and cough syrup for a while. I haven't been to church since October.. This is bonkers.
Being inside like this forces me to organize things, so there is my silver lining. I have been throwing junk away, organizing closets, shelves, and scrubbing everything. With my girls, I get to keep doing it over and over again, so that keeps me from getting bored. haha! Since I haven't been able to walk like I usually do, I have been really trying to focus on eating better. I've been drinking more water, and less sweet tea. I have been trying to keep up with my Dirty Thirty workout, but have been struggling because I feel so completely drained.
I don't even know what I am typing anymore. I really think I am losing my mind, and if you have made it this far, you are a saint. ;) I have been checking the blogs that I follow 93383 times a day hoping for something new to read. So, if you blog, WRITE SOMETHING. I need something to do.
I also have been trying to resist the urge to decorate for Christmas. If you caught what I said before, it has been SNOWING here in Michigan. I want to put up my tree, hang lights and garland. Instead I have been watching Christmas movies repeatedly and drinking some eggnog. I think Scott would go bonkers if he came home to the Christmas tree up in the living room. We need at least one sane person in the house to balance out the madness.
Pray for my girls to start feeling 100%. I hate when they are sick, mostly because I hate seeing them miserable, and partially because I want them to SLEEP!! Pray that my brains don't explode all over the house because I really don't want to clean that mess up.
Monday, October 28, 2013
Isn't it frustrating..
We live in a social media world. No matter how much you may try to run from it, it is there. I have facebook so that I can share things with my FAMILY. I am friend with people from high school, and people from church, too. Sometimes you only hit "accept" so that World War Three doesn't break out in your church or family. Please tell me that I am not the only one! But, social media makes it easier for others to offer up insanely critical and hurtful words while hiding behind their computer screen.
Being a mother is hard enough. Especially being a NEW mother. I still consider myself NEW at this. My oldest is only three. I have many more years to go. I had a lot of experience with breastfeeding problems, so I feel that I can give advice WHEN ASKED. I have a lot of experience with sensitive baby/toddler skin, so I feel that I can give advice. I am still working on discipline and homeschooling, so I keep my mouth shut when it comes to those things. I only open my mouth when asked, and when I feel like I may actually have something to contribute. I don't like to open my mouth unless I have something good to say. "Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and prove it." Yeah, I try to live by that. If you think I am a fool, fine, but at least I have never given you a reason to KNOW that I am one.
Why do so many women feel that they can open their mouth and give their opinion on anything and everything? Why do so many of the older women feel that they can tell you what to do when it comes to your own kids. "I have seen the village, and I don't want it raising my kids." I especially don't understand why women feel that they can give you such "awesome" advice when their own children turned out.. well.. less than what I hope for my kids. I don't want perfect children. I want children who follow and serve the perfect GOD. If your children are not following Jesus, then I don't want your advice. Not to mention, I never asked for the advice. I never asked for your help. No, I am not so prideful that I won't ask for help or advice WHEN I NEED IT. I am not helpless though. I had a woman LITERALLY take my baby out of my arms and tell me that it was "her" job to stop MY babies crying. I was so angry...
I don't think that I am a terrible mother. My children are happy, healthy, and intelligent little girls. I call my mom frequently for advice or help. I WANT her advice. I want her to help me. Why is it so easy for other women to tear us down as new moms?
"I just don't see how she can be hungry so often."
"Why don't you have shoes on that baby?"
"She has got to be cold."
"Why do you new mothers carry your babies around in the carseats? I don't see how you can bond that way."
1.My babies were breastfed.. the milk that a mama produces is digested faster than the formula that other mother's put in their bottles because their intestines and mama milk were made for each other... that is why she is hungry so often. (I am NOT intending to tear down any mama who formula feeds their baby. Like I said, YOU are the mama. YOU get to decide. I know that many mothers CAN'T make breastmilk. I get sick of people who say that every woman is capable "HOw do you think they did it in Bible times?!" Wet nurses. The end. Other mothers just decide to do it because it's easier. Whatever.. I chose to breast feed, you may choose formula.)
2. My baby has WIDE feet, and I REFUSE to spend $40 on wide baby shoes that she will outgrow in a month.
3. I would know if she is cold, or hot. I check. When she is drenched in sweat, she is not cold. Thank you.
4. Both of my sisters have heard this one I believe... Once again, all three of us breast fed/feed our babies.. WE bond with them PLENTY.. and it's the LAW that they must be in their car seat in the car. When a bear is sleeping, you don't poke it, am I right?! We carry the car seat into the house or store.. whatever.. Plus, when it's winter, they stay warmer for everyone who is always concerned about my baby being too cold...
I guess I am little crabby today.. I just am so tired of women tearing each other down. Quit being hateful. Quit judging.. Just STOP. Let the mother be the parent. If the mother is abusing their baby, then speak up. Otherwise, just keep your mouth shut and offer SUPPORT. Support is not unsolicited advice or judgmental comments for the record.. It is being a listening ear, offering to help clean, bringing a healthy meal by, etc.
Being a mother is hard enough. Especially being a NEW mother. I still consider myself NEW at this. My oldest is only three. I have many more years to go. I had a lot of experience with breastfeeding problems, so I feel that I can give advice WHEN ASKED. I have a lot of experience with sensitive baby/toddler skin, so I feel that I can give advice. I am still working on discipline and homeschooling, so I keep my mouth shut when it comes to those things. I only open my mouth when asked, and when I feel like I may actually have something to contribute. I don't like to open my mouth unless I have something good to say. "Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and prove it." Yeah, I try to live by that. If you think I am a fool, fine, but at least I have never given you a reason to KNOW that I am one.
Why do so many women feel that they can open their mouth and give their opinion on anything and everything? Why do so many of the older women feel that they can tell you what to do when it comes to your own kids. "I have seen the village, and I don't want it raising my kids." I especially don't understand why women feel that they can give you such "awesome" advice when their own children turned out.. well.. less than what I hope for my kids. I don't want perfect children. I want children who follow and serve the perfect GOD. If your children are not following Jesus, then I don't want your advice. Not to mention, I never asked for the advice. I never asked for your help. No, I am not so prideful that I won't ask for help or advice WHEN I NEED IT. I am not helpless though. I had a woman LITERALLY take my baby out of my arms and tell me that it was "her" job to stop MY babies crying. I was so angry...
I don't think that I am a terrible mother. My children are happy, healthy, and intelligent little girls. I call my mom frequently for advice or help. I WANT her advice. I want her to help me. Why is it so easy for other women to tear us down as new moms?
"I just don't see how she can be hungry so often."
"Why don't you have shoes on that baby?"
"She has got to be cold."
"Why do you new mothers carry your babies around in the carseats? I don't see how you can bond that way."
1.My babies were breastfed.. the milk that a mama produces is digested faster than the formula that other mother's put in their bottles because their intestines and mama milk were made for each other... that is why she is hungry so often. (I am NOT intending to tear down any mama who formula feeds their baby. Like I said, YOU are the mama. YOU get to decide. I know that many mothers CAN'T make breastmilk. I get sick of people who say that every woman is capable "HOw do you think they did it in Bible times?!" Wet nurses. The end. Other mothers just decide to do it because it's easier. Whatever.. I chose to breast feed, you may choose formula.)
2. My baby has WIDE feet, and I REFUSE to spend $40 on wide baby shoes that she will outgrow in a month.
3. I would know if she is cold, or hot. I check. When she is drenched in sweat, she is not cold. Thank you.
4. Both of my sisters have heard this one I believe... Once again, all three of us breast fed/feed our babies.. WE bond with them PLENTY.. and it's the LAW that they must be in their car seat in the car. When a bear is sleeping, you don't poke it, am I right?! We carry the car seat into the house or store.. whatever.. Plus, when it's winter, they stay warmer for everyone who is always concerned about my baby being too cold...
I guess I am little crabby today.. I just am so tired of women tearing each other down. Quit being hateful. Quit judging.. Just STOP. Let the mother be the parent. If the mother is abusing their baby, then speak up. Otherwise, just keep your mouth shut and offer SUPPORT. Support is not unsolicited advice or judgmental comments for the record.. It is being a listening ear, offering to help clean, bringing a healthy meal by, etc.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Festivity and Fires
I get really excited about every holiday. I am not a huge sweets person, but I really love making festive desserts or yummy snacks that are holiday themed! I am a little obsessed with Jessica Garvin's blog, "Little Baby Garvin". She is so creative and festive. Plus, her daughter is super cute.. and she has a beautiful home. Anyway, She posted about this snack mix here and I have been dying to make some. It looks so yummy and festive, and I know my girls will love it. I made some this morning and am still waiting for the white chocolate to harden up. My popcorn is getting soft while waiting though, so I need to find a way to remedy that. I've munched on some though, and it's really yummy!! Plus, it's super cute! See:
If you know us, then you know that we don't have tons of extra money to spend on decorations. I made these bats out of construction paper though, and they made a huge impact. I feel like the picture makes them look odd, but they look super cute in the house and cost me nothing. I have a closet full of construction paper, and all sorts off other odd art supplies that Chloe loves. Addi could really care less right now, which breaks my fragile heart. ;)
The girls worked on some cookies last week also. It was the first day of October, so they were dressed in Halloween outfits, decorating for Halloween, and making Halloween cookies. Yes, we watched Hocus Pocus and Hallweentown also! :D
Speaking of festive, we also saw this big guy last weekend.
Living so close to Bronner's Christmas Wonderland is really fabulous for when I need a holiday fix. My husband would kill me if I decorated the whole house in June, so I can take a drive to the most festive, Christmas-y place I have ever seen. Plus, it's Michigan, so it could snow in June sometime. ;)
Now, for a major shift, but I want to get the word out so that more people will be praying. I am sitting on my couch with the windows open. The fall breeze is blowing through the windows. It sounds wonderful, right? Well, if it weren't mixed with the smell of smoke and burnt wood, it would be. Yesterday, I started smelling smoke during naptime. If you know me, then you know that I have an insane fear of my house catching on fire. I start frantically going through the house smelling EVERYWHERE because I couldn't figure out where the smell was coming from. I looked out my "back" door and saw that it was really smoky. I started to panic, and ran outside to figure out where it was coming from. The house across the street was on fire. It started on the porch. I ran into the house and tried to call 9-1-1. They never answered my call, but there were a few other people outside on cell phones. I heard someone yell "Did you call 9-1-1?" and then heard what sounded like "yes". So, I knew that it was probably taken care of. I watched as the flames quickly moved from the porch towards the back of the house. I have never seen anything so frightening or surreal. The family was not home, but I am sure that they lost everything. Three firetrucks showed up and it took close to an hour to get the fire out. It burned the power lines to the house, and they shut our power off for a couple of hours to get it safely taken care of. I never got a chance to talk to the family and see if they needed anything. The insurance company, Red Cross, and tons of other "more important" people were talking to the family when they finally got home. It breaks my heart to think of how it would feel to come home to find that you had lost almost every earthly possession. I have been watching out the window to see if they stop by the house today, when it's less hectic, so if I find out about any needs of theirs, I will share them on here and maybe others can help. Anyway, please keep this family in your prayers as they are starting over.
If you know us, then you know that we don't have tons of extra money to spend on decorations. I made these bats out of construction paper though, and they made a huge impact. I feel like the picture makes them look odd, but they look super cute in the house and cost me nothing. I have a closet full of construction paper, and all sorts off other odd art supplies that Chloe loves. Addi could really care less right now, which breaks my fragile heart. ;)
The girls worked on some cookies last week also. It was the first day of October, so they were dressed in Halloween outfits, decorating for Halloween, and making Halloween cookies. Yes, we watched Hocus Pocus and Hallweentown also! :D
Speaking of festive, we also saw this big guy last weekend.
Now, for a major shift, but I want to get the word out so that more people will be praying. I am sitting on my couch with the windows open. The fall breeze is blowing through the windows. It sounds wonderful, right? Well, if it weren't mixed with the smell of smoke and burnt wood, it would be. Yesterday, I started smelling smoke during naptime. If you know me, then you know that I have an insane fear of my house catching on fire. I start frantically going through the house smelling EVERYWHERE because I couldn't figure out where the smell was coming from. I looked out my "back" door and saw that it was really smoky. I started to panic, and ran outside to figure out where it was coming from. The house across the street was on fire. It started on the porch. I ran into the house and tried to call 9-1-1. They never answered my call, but there were a few other people outside on cell phones. I heard someone yell "Did you call 9-1-1?" and then heard what sounded like "yes". So, I knew that it was probably taken care of. I watched as the flames quickly moved from the porch towards the back of the house. I have never seen anything so frightening or surreal. The family was not home, but I am sure that they lost everything. Three firetrucks showed up and it took close to an hour to get the fire out. It burned the power lines to the house, and they shut our power off for a couple of hours to get it safely taken care of. I never got a chance to talk to the family and see if they needed anything. The insurance company, Red Cross, and tons of other "more important" people were talking to the family when they finally got home. It breaks my heart to think of how it would feel to come home to find that you had lost almost every earthly possession. I have been watching out the window to see if they stop by the house today, when it's less hectic, so if I find out about any needs of theirs, I will share them on here and maybe others can help. Anyway, please keep this family in your prayers as they are starting over.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Happy Fall Ya'll
Happy Fall! Oh my goodness, this is my FAVORITE time of year!! I love the way the air turns crisp. The trees change into beautiful colors. Michigan has the most awesome fall!! Halloween is coming up quickly, too!!
I love Halloween. I know that may seem strange to love a holiday that some recognize as a satanic holiday. I don't know, maybe it started out that way, but it is not that to me at all. It is silly fun! It was Chloe's first holiday. It was Addi's first holiday. It is special to me. I try to wait until October 1 to get out the actual Halloween decorations. I watch Hocus Pocus year round though!!
I found this picture on pinterest, and when I clicked on it, I was taken straight to the full picture. I have no clue where it came from, but I love it!!!
Addison turns 2 in FOUR AND HALF weeks!! How did that even happen? I am trying to plan her party. She won't tell me what kind of party she wants (duh, she's young). I keep throwing out suggestions, and the only one that she has really said yes to is Monsters. I have asked her a few times "What do you want for your party" and she answers "pink" a lot of the time. haha! I guess I can get creative and do a pink party.
I'm not 100% sure on costumes for her either. Chloe has said for weeks now that she wants to be Tinker Bell. I'm not sure what Addison wants to be though. I want them to choose now that they are old enough, at least somewhat, to choose. Any suggestions?! She was pebbles last year, and the year before she was home with mama as a little 4 day old baby. :) Gosh, this holiday makes me so happy!
We are hoping to get to a pumpkin patch in the next couple of weeks. I would love to have pumpkins everywhere, but I am not sure that it is in the budget for us. This time of year always gets pretty pricey with birthdays, parties, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Pumpkins may be silly to spend money on. *sigh*
I had an apple cider donut, and a mug of hot apple cider this morning, and it was heavenly. I think I will go have some more cider and enjoy the "quiet" of naptime!
Do something fall-ish today!! :)
I love Halloween. I know that may seem strange to love a holiday that some recognize as a satanic holiday. I don't know, maybe it started out that way, but it is not that to me at all. It is silly fun! It was Chloe's first holiday. It was Addi's first holiday. It is special to me. I try to wait until October 1 to get out the actual Halloween decorations. I watch Hocus Pocus year round though!!
I found this picture on pinterest, and when I clicked on it, I was taken straight to the full picture. I have no clue where it came from, but I love it!!!
Addison turns 2 in FOUR AND HALF weeks!! How did that even happen? I am trying to plan her party. She won't tell me what kind of party she wants (duh, she's young). I keep throwing out suggestions, and the only one that she has really said yes to is Monsters. I have asked her a few times "What do you want for your party" and she answers "pink" a lot of the time. haha! I guess I can get creative and do a pink party.
I'm not 100% sure on costumes for her either. Chloe has said for weeks now that she wants to be Tinker Bell. I'm not sure what Addison wants to be though. I want them to choose now that they are old enough, at least somewhat, to choose. Any suggestions?! She was pebbles last year, and the year before she was home with mama as a little 4 day old baby. :) Gosh, this holiday makes me so happy!
We are hoping to get to a pumpkin patch in the next couple of weeks. I would love to have pumpkins everywhere, but I am not sure that it is in the budget for us. This time of year always gets pretty pricey with birthdays, parties, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Pumpkins may be silly to spend money on. *sigh*
I had an apple cider donut, and a mug of hot apple cider this morning, and it was heavenly. I think I will go have some more cider and enjoy the "quiet" of naptime!
Do something fall-ish today!! :)
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Reflection
It is almost September! I have always anticipated September every year. I anticipate it more and more every year. It is the beginning of Fall weather. It is the month before OCTOBER, which is my favorite month of the year! I enjoy "back to school" time, as a former teacher, and a soon-to-be homeschooling mama! I love September. But, this September is feeling a little bit different to me. It is approaching the one year "anniversary" of when we lost our precious baby, Quinn Lael. I am not sure if I have ever shared our baby's name before, but there you have it. Quinn means "Counsel" and Lael means "belonging to God". We decided that we did not want to refer to our baby as "it", so we gave the baby a pretty gender-neutral name. I really had a feeling that this baby was a boy, but I always have that feeling and end up surprised. Scott and I joke that Quinn was probably his only boy.
September 16, 2012 I had just finished writing a Facebook message to my friend Lexi. I was telling her that I REALLY felt like something was wrong. I hadn't gained ANY weight. I was 11 weeks pregnant. I am NOT one of those lucky people who doesn't gain weight for weeks. I gain, and I again hard. I had some morning sickness... mostly when all of my family was in town and I hid in our bedroom with a grocery bag. I didn't want to tell anyone that I was pregnant yet, so I did the gross and unthinkable.. Anyway, I just finished hitting "send" when I felt something. I went to the bathroom while Scott dealt with one of our crying children. Then I discovered that I was bleeding. Nothing bad, but I had NEVER had any spotting before, so I was really worried. We called our neighbor, AKA Pastor's wife, and asked her to sit with the girls while we went to the ER. They took FOR-E-VER and did ultrasounds and blood tests. The doctor came back FINALLY and said that it appeared that the baby was only developed to 4-5 weeks gestation. She said "there is still a chance that you just aren't as far along as you thought". Yes, because women frequently get positive pregnancy tests a week BEFORE they are even pregnant. I know that she was just trying to make me feel better, but come on. I just nodded and said "ok". I don't remember getting dressed, or walking to the car. I remember that halfway home a song came on the radio. A song that I think that God put there just for me. A song that I angrily turned off the radio to... Josh Wilson's "Fall Apart" become my theme song. I didn't want to hear it on the way home. I was just numb. I wasn't angry with God. My heart sang "You give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be your name". The next couple of days were just a blur of wondering WHEN my body would actually "miscarry".
September 18, 2012 in the evening I started to have some cramping. I won't get graphic or gross, but let's just say that it HURTS. Loosing a baby in this way emotionally hurts, and physically hurts A LOT! I was not prepared for the pain, as the doctor told me that it was just feel like all of the monthly garbage women deal with. LIES! It felt just like labor, only it didn't get AS strong as it would in the end. I will remember this day for the rest of my life. I cried a lot. But, there was a voice whispering "God is good". GOD IS GOOD!! God is always good. God is good on the bad days. God is good on the hard days. God has been good ever since this day, and God was good long before this day. I remember that we were singing "A Mighty Fortress" in choir the Sunday after it all happened. I shook so violently just trying to get through the song. God so beautifully orchestrated everything surrounding the horrible day that I lost the baby. He placed constant reminders in my path that He would NEVER leave me or forsake me; that He works ALL things to my good.
There are days where I still get so consumed with grief and heartbreak that I feel like I just shut down and autopilot comes on. But, those days are getting farther apart. I can type this without tears streaming down my face. I am not sure why I am writing or sharing this. Maybe just so that I can heal a little more. Maybe there is a mama out there with a broken heart and empty womb. Maybe no one will ever read this post.
I want to encourage anyone who may be reading this to remember that God IS in control. I do not know why I lost my baby, but I do know that He is good. He never does anything to hurt me, but to mold me and shape me into the woman He desires me to become. My heavenly father loves me more than anyone on this planet ever has or could. Shortly after I lost my baby, I had FOUR friends/family members loose their babies. I was grateful that I could be an ear to listen, and someone who knew how to pray for them specifically. I become a member of a club of supportive and strong women who were so wonderful to share their stories with me. I would never wish this club on anyone, but if you are in this club, know that you are not alone.
September 16, 2012 I had just finished writing a Facebook message to my friend Lexi. I was telling her that I REALLY felt like something was wrong. I hadn't gained ANY weight. I was 11 weeks pregnant. I am NOT one of those lucky people who doesn't gain weight for weeks. I gain, and I again hard. I had some morning sickness... mostly when all of my family was in town and I hid in our bedroom with a grocery bag. I didn't want to tell anyone that I was pregnant yet, so I did the gross and unthinkable.. Anyway, I just finished hitting "send" when I felt something. I went to the bathroom while Scott dealt with one of our crying children. Then I discovered that I was bleeding. Nothing bad, but I had NEVER had any spotting before, so I was really worried. We called our neighbor, AKA Pastor's wife, and asked her to sit with the girls while we went to the ER. They took FOR-E-VER and did ultrasounds and blood tests. The doctor came back FINALLY and said that it appeared that the baby was only developed to 4-5 weeks gestation. She said "there is still a chance that you just aren't as far along as you thought". Yes, because women frequently get positive pregnancy tests a week BEFORE they are even pregnant. I know that she was just trying to make me feel better, but come on. I just nodded and said "ok". I don't remember getting dressed, or walking to the car. I remember that halfway home a song came on the radio. A song that I think that God put there just for me. A song that I angrily turned off the radio to... Josh Wilson's "Fall Apart" become my theme song. I didn't want to hear it on the way home. I was just numb. I wasn't angry with God. My heart sang "You give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be your name". The next couple of days were just a blur of wondering WHEN my body would actually "miscarry".
September 18, 2012 in the evening I started to have some cramping. I won't get graphic or gross, but let's just say that it HURTS. Loosing a baby in this way emotionally hurts, and physically hurts A LOT! I was not prepared for the pain, as the doctor told me that it was just feel like all of the monthly garbage women deal with. LIES! It felt just like labor, only it didn't get AS strong as it would in the end. I will remember this day for the rest of my life. I cried a lot. But, there was a voice whispering "God is good". GOD IS GOOD!! God is always good. God is good on the bad days. God is good on the hard days. God has been good ever since this day, and God was good long before this day. I remember that we were singing "A Mighty Fortress" in choir the Sunday after it all happened. I shook so violently just trying to get through the song. God so beautifully orchestrated everything surrounding the horrible day that I lost the baby. He placed constant reminders in my path that He would NEVER leave me or forsake me; that He works ALL things to my good.
There are days where I still get so consumed with grief and heartbreak that I feel like I just shut down and autopilot comes on. But, those days are getting farther apart. I can type this without tears streaming down my face. I am not sure why I am writing or sharing this. Maybe just so that I can heal a little more. Maybe there is a mama out there with a broken heart and empty womb. Maybe no one will ever read this post.
I want to encourage anyone who may be reading this to remember that God IS in control. I do not know why I lost my baby, but I do know that He is good. He never does anything to hurt me, but to mold me and shape me into the woman He desires me to become. My heavenly father loves me more than anyone on this planet ever has or could. Shortly after I lost my baby, I had FOUR friends/family members loose their babies. I was grateful that I could be an ear to listen, and someone who knew how to pray for them specifically. I become a member of a club of supportive and strong women who were so wonderful to share their stories with me. I would never wish this club on anyone, but if you are in this club, know that you are not alone.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Nothing to say?
I am so lacking in things to write about it is not even funny. Life is so crazy and hectic right now. We have things going on every day. I am getting worn out. Scott and I ran the Warrior Dash together and really enjoyed it. A couple of weeks later, we ran The Great Pizza Challenge 5K. You know what I realized? I STINK at running.. I have athletic onset asthma. I forgot to use my inhaler before the Warrior Dash, so I really struggled with my breathing. Then, the week of the Pizza Challenge, I got a horrible cold, so I struggled to breathe again, but for different reasons. All of these make great excuses for my times.. 1 hour for the WD, 37:52 for the Pizza Challenge.. however, I just stink.
I am new at running though. I haven't really been running at all this year. I quit running last July when I found out that I was pregnant. Not out of fear of hurting the baby, but I was sore from the first Warrior Dash, and then I started getting morning sickness. I ran for a little while after we lost the baby. I was angry. I pounded my anger out on the gym floor while I ran. I cried and asked God "Why?" Then, I just quit doing it.. I quit running. I guess it was just laziness, but I have been out of practice for A YEAR! For the record, I still don't know WHY I lost the baby. I never will. I do know that I was the first in a string of 4 other friends or family members who lost babies. I am thankful that I was able to talk some of them through it.. God is always good. Anyway, this is not meant to be a depressing post. Life is so good. I am so blessed with two awesome girls, and an awesome husband who treats me so much better than I ever deserve.
Chloe is doing well with learning her letters. I am going to start doing a little bit of preschool homeschooling this September. I am not going to do any sort of curriculum this first year. I am going to rely a lot on free printables and workbooks that I can buy at the store. She is turning THREE on Thursday. While she seems so old to me now, she is still so young. She is bright. But, I want her to get to be a kid. I try to take advantage of "teachable moments" and work with her while we play. I think it helps. I want them to enjoy their childhood. They have the rest of their lives to be tortured as adults with responsibility and pressure to be and do more. She still has wild, curly hair that I can't seem to tame. She has so much energy that her hair always ends up wild by noon. If anyone has any curly hair tips, I will take them!
Addison is getting sillier every day. She has this way that she says "Hiiii" that just cracks me up. She is still a Mama's girl, and I LOVE it. haha! She carries one of my shirts around, or a receiving blanket and she calls it her "mama". I am "mommy" to her though, so it doesn't get confusing. I am working on teaching colors to her. She thinks everything is pink right now. I think pink may be her favorite right now. She loves to sing and dance. Her favorite show is "Jake and the Neverland Pirates", and she loves the Leapfrog movies.
I am so excited for this week because my friends are coming to visit. They are on deputation right now to get on the field in Ecuador. This will probably be the last time I see them before they leave. They will be in town for a full week! YAY! Plus, my parents are possibly going to come this weekend. Scott's parents will be here next week! I LOVE having company. We have a tiny little house, but I love filling it to the brim with friends and family. We had our music director over for lunch last week. I don't know what it is, but I love having people over.
If you have made it to the end of this post, you get a gold star. Hopefully soon, I will have something exciting to post.
I am new at running though. I haven't really been running at all this year. I quit running last July when I found out that I was pregnant. Not out of fear of hurting the baby, but I was sore from the first Warrior Dash, and then I started getting morning sickness. I ran for a little while after we lost the baby. I was angry. I pounded my anger out on the gym floor while I ran. I cried and asked God "Why?" Then, I just quit doing it.. I quit running. I guess it was just laziness, but I have been out of practice for A YEAR! For the record, I still don't know WHY I lost the baby. I never will. I do know that I was the first in a string of 4 other friends or family members who lost babies. I am thankful that I was able to talk some of them through it.. God is always good. Anyway, this is not meant to be a depressing post. Life is so good. I am so blessed with two awesome girls, and an awesome husband who treats me so much better than I ever deserve.
Chloe is doing well with learning her letters. I am going to start doing a little bit of preschool homeschooling this September. I am not going to do any sort of curriculum this first year. I am going to rely a lot on free printables and workbooks that I can buy at the store. She is turning THREE on Thursday. While she seems so old to me now, she is still so young. She is bright. But, I want her to get to be a kid. I try to take advantage of "teachable moments" and work with her while we play. I think it helps. I want them to enjoy their childhood. They have the rest of their lives to be tortured as adults with responsibility and pressure to be and do more. She still has wild, curly hair that I can't seem to tame. She has so much energy that her hair always ends up wild by noon. If anyone has any curly hair tips, I will take them!
Addison is getting sillier every day. She has this way that she says "Hiiii" that just cracks me up. She is still a Mama's girl, and I LOVE it. haha! She carries one of my shirts around, or a receiving blanket and she calls it her "mama". I am "mommy" to her though, so it doesn't get confusing. I am working on teaching colors to her. She thinks everything is pink right now. I think pink may be her favorite right now. She loves to sing and dance. Her favorite show is "Jake and the Neverland Pirates", and she loves the Leapfrog movies.
I am so excited for this week because my friends are coming to visit. They are on deputation right now to get on the field in Ecuador. This will probably be the last time I see them before they leave. They will be in town for a full week! YAY! Plus, my parents are possibly going to come this weekend. Scott's parents will be here next week! I LOVE having company. We have a tiny little house, but I love filling it to the brim with friends and family. We had our music director over for lunch last week. I don't know what it is, but I love having people over.
If you have made it to the end of this post, you get a gold star. Hopefully soon, I will have something exciting to post.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
I am here.
I didn't fall off the planet. I have been watching a friends kids. That is FOUR kids in the smallest house in existence. I have one more day of it. These extra kids both have colds and have been coughing and snotting on everything. Send coffee.
Monday, July 15, 2013
Babies all around!!
The girls and I went on an adventure after the fourth of July. We packed up and headed to my parents' house for my younger sister's baby shower. For those of you who don't know, BOTH of my sisters were pregnant at the time. My older sister, Amy, was 2 weeks away from her due date. My younger sister, Amanda, is due in early September. The baby shower was for Amanda.
I could not stop laughing because I didn't know where to put my hands in this picture. My aunt was telling me to hold my own belly. Let the record show that I was the skinniest sister for the first time ever... in my entire life! I was always referred to as "the big one" growing up. No, I am not joking. Yes, I am emotionally scarred. I will take a piece of chocolate cake. NO, pumpkin pie! My head is totally in fall right now. If only the weather would agree with my head..
Sheesh, I am just all over the place today. I will stop boring you after I say this: I am an aunt again! I am not sure what that really means. I think once an aunt, always an aunt, right? I have another BEAUTIFUL nephew. Now, don't tell my brother-in-law that I said that. He will correct me and say "HANDSOME". But, a baby is a beautiful thing. I will maybe share a picture on here after Amy gives all the deets on her own blog. It is facebook knowledge though, so I figure it is safe to say that he is here, healthy, and beautiful. His momma is, too. ;)
Babies are such a beautiful and amazing blessing. I cannot wait to see my other nephew in September!
I could not stop laughing because I didn't know where to put my hands in this picture. My aunt was telling me to hold my own belly. Let the record show that I was the skinniest sister for the first time ever... in my entire life! I was always referred to as "the big one" growing up. No, I am not joking. Yes, I am emotionally scarred. I will take a piece of chocolate cake. NO, pumpkin pie! My head is totally in fall right now. If only the weather would agree with my head..
Sheesh, I am just all over the place today. I will stop boring you after I say this: I am an aunt again! I am not sure what that really means. I think once an aunt, always an aunt, right? I have another BEAUTIFUL nephew. Now, don't tell my brother-in-law that I said that. He will correct me and say "HANDSOME". But, a baby is a beautiful thing. I will maybe share a picture on here after Amy gives all the deets on her own blog. It is facebook knowledge though, so I figure it is safe to say that he is here, healthy, and beautiful. His momma is, too. ;)
Babies are such a beautiful and amazing blessing. I cannot wait to see my other nephew in September!
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Our Love Story
I am blessed with an amazing husband. Grace over at CAMP PATTON is doing a love story link-up. Well, I thought it would be fun to sit down and remind myself of how much I am in love with that man. So, here it goes.
I remember the exact day that we officially met. It was May 14, 2003. I showed up to school that morning and learned that Wayne, a young Sophomore, had been killed in a car accident. I had some classes with Wayne. I didn't really know him. The last thing he had ever said to me was something about why I was wearing so much make-up. (I was in show choir, and we had JUST performed for the school.. no time to clean the clown make-up off before my next class). That is all I really remember of him. Anyway, that whole day just felt so.. unreal.. people in high school aren't supposed to die. It just didn't seem right. All I wanted to do was be with my closest friends. My best friend, Meredith, invited me to go to church with her. She went to the Methodist church in town. I went with her, and there was this guy.. in a navy blue t-shirt and khaki cargo shorts. She introduced us, and we flirted by having a duct-tape fight. We kept sticking the tape to each other's arms. Every time I would stick it to his, I would think, "Man, this guy has MUSCLES!" HAHA!
This was the days of AOL Instant Messenger. Skeeeweeeeeeeeeeeeargabaraghabhaha... "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!" We would talk on IM every. single. night. Cheesy, stupid things.. things that were so corny that I feel embarrassed even thinking about them. Now, I need to state this. My parents had given me a strict "no dating until you are 16" policy. I was 15.. At the time, I didn't care. I was irritated at that rule, and did not respect it. Scott asked me to be his girlfriend on June 11, 2003.. over IM. ;) We never actually went on dates or anything because I WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE A BOYFRIEND. I regret this with my whole heart. I hurt my relationship with my parents. I hurt my Jesus, who died to FREE ME from my sins.. YA'll, doing something that you parents have adamantly told you not to do is SIN. I don't care how you try to twist or turn it, it is sin. My dad told me that he could forgive me since he has two beautiful granddaughters now, but it still hurts my heart to know that I did wrong.. Anyway.. LISTEN TO YOUR PARENTS!
We went to homecoming in that year. Scott got saved that year! I'm going to fast forward to being 16, because that first year was not OK. I got my license, Yippee. We could FINALLY go out on a real date. You know where I picked? ARBY'S! Arby's?!?!? I dunno, it was my favorite at the time. Now, if you know me, you know that I overflow any sandwich with condiments. I was a disgusting mess of melted cheese and Arby's sauce.. but I did not care one bit. Thankfully, he pretended that he didn't care either. ;)
We went to church camps, more homecomings, more proms.. I got saved at church camp July 12, 2005. It was awesome. Scott left for Baptist Bible College in August 2005. UP to that date, it was the hardest thing I had ever done. I cried like a baby for a looooooong time. My mom would roll her eyes if she was reading this, because she KNOWS how much I cried. I missed him.. But, the time apart was really good for us. It forced us to almost get to know each other all over again. We talked about our hopes, dreams, plans, etc. He came home for a weekend every month. It was rough, but again, the best thing for us.
In April (the 16th or 17th, I can't remember right now..) I came home from work. My mom was the only one home. This was weird because my dad and sister should have been home.
"Mom, where are Dad and Amanda at?"
"The hospital. There's been an accident. Kaitlin is probably not going to make it."
I don't remember my response, but I remember arguing with mom for a while. Then, the phone rang. My mom hung up, and said some words that I will never forget. So simple. So life changing.
"I'm sorry, she's gone."
Just recalling this causes tears to stream down my face. How is it that in the blink of an eye, a beautiful young woman was taken from this earth? Why is this part of our love story, you ask? Let me tell you. I called Scott and I sobbed on the phone to him. The next day I get a call from him in the evening, which was not unusual. In the middle of our conversation he tells me to go outside. What?! I look out the door, and there is my Scott standing in the driveway. I threw (!!) the phone and fell into his arms in a pile of messy tears and sobs. I needed his hugs more than anything that day.. The day that reality set in after attending her visitation and hugging Kaitlin's strong mother. That week, I showed up at school to tear-soaked faces and grievance counselors to help people get through and understand. Like you can really understand it.. I still don't.. but I do understand that GOD IS GOOD no matter what. He attended the funeral of someone he didn't know by my side, just so that I could have someone to lean on. He was so exhausted that he had a hard time staying awake. He is amazing.
In May, Scott came home from college for the summer. I knew he had bought a ring for me. We talked about marriage and starting a family one day. I was so irritated with him, because he hadn't proposed to me yet. I actually yelled at him the night before he proposed. He had planned on proposing THAT NIGHT, but had forgotten the ring. (oops, but I still didn't know this) The next day (a Sunday) we decided to go for a walk by the lake after church. This wasn't unusual for us. We loved going for walks in Spitler Park, going to the zoo, etc. It wasn't out of the ordinary, so I didn't really think anything of it. I was wearing a white cotton skirt, and light pink shirt. I don't know what he was wearing.. apparently I am incredibly self-centered. I said something about the pretty flowers (thinking back, it was totally a weed...) and I turned back around and there is my handsome man dressed up, with his knee in the dirt. Holding a beautiful ring box. He asked me to marry him. I said YES, YES, YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!! and he stood up and I hugged him and kissed him. There was a random boat that happened to see the whole thing, and they started cheering and "woop"ing. It was funny. He got upset because I didn't even get to look at the ring before I excitedly said yes. Sorry, honey, the ring is beautiful. The diamond is from one of his grandmother's rings, an he had the setting made special. :) It's beautiful.
We went of to BBC together that August, with plans to wait THREE YEARS before saying "I do." We went on more nature walks, saw more silly sights in the area (Precious Moment's Chapel), and had fun. We ate a lot of Chik-Fil-A and walked around the mall. We went to Walmart, the mall, and Target. We checked out Petland and played with puppies. We were boring and huge goobers, But, we had fun and were in love. (still do and are!) We decided we didn't want to wait another two years to get married, so we talked to my parents about getting married the following year (2008). College years are honestly a blur to me. I took 18-21 credit hours and worked A LOT!!! I was exhausted. I ended up working at David's Bridal and was able to get a beautiful dress much, much cheaper! YAY!
Fast forward to June 13, 2008. We had a beautiful wedding at my parents' property. They worked their rear-ends off to get everything set up perfectly. It was beautiful, perfect.. everything I could have ever dreamed. We got married in the pole-barn. Mom and dad had white lights strung throughout the rafters. There were beautiful star lanterns hanging. Calla Lillies and red roses.. It was just.. perfect. Flawless. Thank you, mom and dad! It was one of the best days of my life!! We went to Pigeon Forge, TN for our honeymoon. We drove to Folly Beach, SC so that I could see the ocean for the first time ever. My goodness, it was PERFECT. A dream...
Scott finished his schooling at BBC. I had transferred to MSU. We spent our first year of marriage in a tiny apartment close to a lot of friends. It was a blast. Then, Scott graduated and we moved to Garden City, MI to work at a church with the youth department. It was a great experience, and we got to know some really wonderful people. Then, along comes Chloe.
Oh yeah, we also got Daisy..
This sums it alllllllllllll up with her...
Now, here is my sweet, beautiful Chloe!
Fast forward a LITTLE bit of time later, and SURPRISE!!! Along comes Addison! :D
We moved while I was 9 months pregnant to a wonderful church further north. I am not going to say where, because.. I don't like stalkers.. Let's just say that we didn't move to a whole lot safer place than Detroit.. ha!
Is our life not beautiful?!?! We serve an amazing group of teenagers now. We serve at an awesome church. We are blessed. I hope that our life is filled with many more days like this...
We just celebrated 5 years of marriage. 10 years together. A crazy dog, that has since had to be put down because of kidney failure. Two BEAUTIFUL kids!! An awesome ministry. A baby that is with Jesus (I will NEVER ignore that I have 3 children..) Hopefully a couple more children, and many, many, many years more of serving God in whatever way He asks of us.
I remember the exact day that we officially met. It was May 14, 2003. I showed up to school that morning and learned that Wayne, a young Sophomore, had been killed in a car accident. I had some classes with Wayne. I didn't really know him. The last thing he had ever said to me was something about why I was wearing so much make-up. (I was in show choir, and we had JUST performed for the school.. no time to clean the clown make-up off before my next class). That is all I really remember of him. Anyway, that whole day just felt so.. unreal.. people in high school aren't supposed to die. It just didn't seem right. All I wanted to do was be with my closest friends. My best friend, Meredith, invited me to go to church with her. She went to the Methodist church in town. I went with her, and there was this guy.. in a navy blue t-shirt and khaki cargo shorts. She introduced us, and we flirted by having a duct-tape fight. We kept sticking the tape to each other's arms. Every time I would stick it to his, I would think, "Man, this guy has MUSCLES!" HAHA!
This was the days of AOL Instant Messenger. Skeeeweeeeeeeeeeeeargabaraghabhaha... "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!" We would talk on IM every. single. night. Cheesy, stupid things.. things that were so corny that I feel embarrassed even thinking about them. Now, I need to state this. My parents had given me a strict "no dating until you are 16" policy. I was 15.. At the time, I didn't care. I was irritated at that rule, and did not respect it. Scott asked me to be his girlfriend on June 11, 2003.. over IM. ;) We never actually went on dates or anything because I WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE A BOYFRIEND. I regret this with my whole heart. I hurt my relationship with my parents. I hurt my Jesus, who died to FREE ME from my sins.. YA'll, doing something that you parents have adamantly told you not to do is SIN. I don't care how you try to twist or turn it, it is sin. My dad told me that he could forgive me since he has two beautiful granddaughters now, but it still hurts my heart to know that I did wrong.. Anyway.. LISTEN TO YOUR PARENTS!
We went to homecoming in that year. Scott got saved that year! I'm going to fast forward to being 16, because that first year was not OK. I got my license, Yippee. We could FINALLY go out on a real date. You know where I picked? ARBY'S! Arby's?!?!? I dunno, it was my favorite at the time. Now, if you know me, you know that I overflow any sandwich with condiments. I was a disgusting mess of melted cheese and Arby's sauce.. but I did not care one bit. Thankfully, he pretended that he didn't care either. ;)
We went to church camps, more homecomings, more proms.. I got saved at church camp July 12, 2005. It was awesome. Scott left for Baptist Bible College in August 2005. UP to that date, it was the hardest thing I had ever done. I cried like a baby for a looooooong time. My mom would roll her eyes if she was reading this, because she KNOWS how much I cried. I missed him.. But, the time apart was really good for us. It forced us to almost get to know each other all over again. We talked about our hopes, dreams, plans, etc. He came home for a weekend every month. It was rough, but again, the best thing for us.
In April (the 16th or 17th, I can't remember right now..) I came home from work. My mom was the only one home. This was weird because my dad and sister should have been home.
"Mom, where are Dad and Amanda at?"
"The hospital. There's been an accident. Kaitlin is probably not going to make it."
I don't remember my response, but I remember arguing with mom for a while. Then, the phone rang. My mom hung up, and said some words that I will never forget. So simple. So life changing.
"I'm sorry, she's gone."
Just recalling this causes tears to stream down my face. How is it that in the blink of an eye, a beautiful young woman was taken from this earth? Why is this part of our love story, you ask? Let me tell you. I called Scott and I sobbed on the phone to him. The next day I get a call from him in the evening, which was not unusual. In the middle of our conversation he tells me to go outside. What?! I look out the door, and there is my Scott standing in the driveway. I threw (!!) the phone and fell into his arms in a pile of messy tears and sobs. I needed his hugs more than anything that day.. The day that reality set in after attending her visitation and hugging Kaitlin's strong mother. That week, I showed up at school to tear-soaked faces and grievance counselors to help people get through and understand. Like you can really understand it.. I still don't.. but I do understand that GOD IS GOOD no matter what. He attended the funeral of someone he didn't know by my side, just so that I could have someone to lean on. He was so exhausted that he had a hard time staying awake. He is amazing.
In May, Scott came home from college for the summer. I knew he had bought a ring for me. We talked about marriage and starting a family one day. I was so irritated with him, because he hadn't proposed to me yet. I actually yelled at him the night before he proposed. He had planned on proposing THAT NIGHT, but had forgotten the ring. (oops, but I still didn't know this) The next day (a Sunday) we decided to go for a walk by the lake after church. This wasn't unusual for us. We loved going for walks in Spitler Park, going to the zoo, etc. It wasn't out of the ordinary, so I didn't really think anything of it. I was wearing a white cotton skirt, and light pink shirt. I don't know what he was wearing.. apparently I am incredibly self-centered. I said something about the pretty flowers (thinking back, it was totally a weed...) and I turned back around and there is my handsome man dressed up, with his knee in the dirt. Holding a beautiful ring box. He asked me to marry him. I said YES, YES, YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!! and he stood up and I hugged him and kissed him. There was a random boat that happened to see the whole thing, and they started cheering and "woop"ing. It was funny. He got upset because I didn't even get to look at the ring before I excitedly said yes. Sorry, honey, the ring is beautiful. The diamond is from one of his grandmother's rings, an he had the setting made special. :) It's beautiful.
We went of to BBC together that August, with plans to wait THREE YEARS before saying "I do." We went on more nature walks, saw more silly sights in the area (Precious Moment's Chapel), and had fun. We ate a lot of Chik-Fil-A and walked around the mall. We went to Walmart, the mall, and Target. We checked out Petland and played with puppies. We were boring and huge goobers, But, we had fun and were in love. (still do and are!) We decided we didn't want to wait another two years to get married, so we talked to my parents about getting married the following year (2008). College years are honestly a blur to me. I took 18-21 credit hours and worked A LOT!!! I was exhausted. I ended up working at David's Bridal and was able to get a beautiful dress much, much cheaper! YAY!
Fast forward to June 13, 2008. We had a beautiful wedding at my parents' property. They worked their rear-ends off to get everything set up perfectly. It was beautiful, perfect.. everything I could have ever dreamed. We got married in the pole-barn. Mom and dad had white lights strung throughout the rafters. There were beautiful star lanterns hanging. Calla Lillies and red roses.. It was just.. perfect. Flawless. Thank you, mom and dad! It was one of the best days of my life!! We went to Pigeon Forge, TN for our honeymoon. We drove to Folly Beach, SC so that I could see the ocean for the first time ever. My goodness, it was PERFECT. A dream...
Scott finished his schooling at BBC. I had transferred to MSU. We spent our first year of marriage in a tiny apartment close to a lot of friends. It was a blast. Then, Scott graduated and we moved to Garden City, MI to work at a church with the youth department. It was a great experience, and we got to know some really wonderful people. Then, along comes Chloe.
Oh yeah, we also got Daisy..
Now, here is my sweet, beautiful Chloe!
Fast forward a LITTLE bit of time later, and SURPRISE!!! Along comes Addison! :D
We moved while I was 9 months pregnant to a wonderful church further north. I am not going to say where, because.. I don't like stalkers.. Let's just say that we didn't move to a whole lot safer place than Detroit.. ha!
Is our life not beautiful?!?! We serve an amazing group of teenagers now. We serve at an awesome church. We are blessed. I hope that our life is filled with many more days like this...
We just celebrated 5 years of marriage. 10 years together. A crazy dog, that has since had to be put down because of kidney failure. Two BEAUTIFUL kids!! An awesome ministry. A baby that is with Jesus (I will NEVER ignore that I have 3 children..) Hopefully a couple more children, and many, many, many years more of serving God in whatever way He asks of us.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Warrior Dash
Last year, I completed my first 5K! I ran in the Warrior Dash. Now, I think I was either insane, or driven, to make my first 5K one where I had to crawl in mud, jump hurdles, climb rope ladders, swim in 10+ feet deep water, and jump over fire. Yeah.. it was intense. I remember getting to the first obstacle and wanting to turn around and call it quits. Then, I lost my shoe in the mud and had to find it, dug the mud out, and put it back on because it was the shoe with my chip on it. At that point I just wanted to sit down and cry, because I slammed my bare foot into a tree branch that was buried in mud. My foot was badly bruised for the next couple of weeks (along with the rest of my body). My pelvis was COVERED in bruises.. A week later I found out that I was 5 weeks pregnant.. 6 weeks later I found out that the baby had stopped developing around 4-5 weeks gestation. You know what kept me going through all of this? Knowing that I was a St. Jude Warrior!
I raised donations for the few months before the race for St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. They are amazing. Seriously, just look at their website. It costs them an absurd amount of money just to RUN the hospital, not to mention the cost of research, etc. They don't charge the families a single cent. NOT ONE PENNY!! How amazing is that?! They operate completely off of the donations that are provided to them.
Where am I going with this? I am so glad you asked. If any of my "readers" uhh.. HI, Amy? would like to make a donation, I would totally appreciate it!! This hospital is incredible, and I hope that IF I ever need them, they will still be there for my family. I am sharing the link on this page. If ANYONE wants to share the link and help raise money for this cause, I would be so happy!! Every dollar counts, so please don't think that your donation wouldn't matter. Thank you so much!!!
I raised donations for the few months before the race for St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. They are amazing. Seriously, just look at their website. It costs them an absurd amount of money just to RUN the hospital, not to mention the cost of research, etc. They don't charge the families a single cent. NOT ONE PENNY!! How amazing is that?! They operate completely off of the donations that are provided to them.
Where am I going with this? I am so glad you asked. If any of my "readers" uhh.. HI, Amy? would like to make a donation, I would totally appreciate it!! This hospital is incredible, and I hope that IF I ever need them, they will still be there for my family. I am sharing the link on this page. If ANYONE wants to share the link and help raise money for this cause, I would be so happy!! Every dollar counts, so please don't think that your donation wouldn't matter. Thank you so much!!!
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Hug a little tighter..
Do you ever have those days where you just want to hold your children, and never let them go? That is how I am feeling today. I got a text message from my husband telling me that the man I asked you to pray for (Jim Luna) has been given only hours to live. Shot one to the heart. Then, there is a family that I have been praying for- Collin and Seth Lee- who had their baby at 28 or so weeks. She was a 2 pound little baby with not too many problems considering how small she was. Then, things took a turn for the worse when she was diagnosed with a deadly disease. Today, that sweet baby went into the arms of Jesus. My heart is broken for this family. Collin and I were in a lot of the same classes at BBC. I didn't have a lot of friends at BBC because I worked 30+ hours at COX South, and took 18-21 credit hours every semester. So, I didn't know her very well. I remember that she was kind and beautiful! That is about all I remember about most people at BBC...
Anyway, I am realizing how blessed that I am to have two beautiful healthy baby girls to hold and love on. Yes, I have a baby in heaven that I never got to meet. Carrying a baby for 12 weeks, for it to only end in good-bye was heart wrenching. I am not over it. I will never be "over" it. But, I could not imagine HOLDING your baby.. kissing and loving on your tiny precious miracle, to only get a few weeks, or days, or hours with them. Life is so short. Life is precious and fragile. Hold your babies tight. Love on them. Remember in the tough hours that at least you have them to frustrate you. Life isn't perfect. I have my moments where I want to pull my hair out. But, I would rather be bald with my sweet girls than have perfect hair without them.
Here is the facebook page for baby Eden. Here They are setting up for people to send donations, etc. to this family to help with medical costs, etc. I am not pushing you to do so, but maybe you can leave a note of encouragement for the family. Say a quick prayer for them. I am literally sick to my stomach over the heartache she must be feeling.. I cannot imagine...
Update: Jim Luna passed away this afternoon. Please keep his family in your prayers. I also found out that my sister's van caught on fire today. She was in it with my niece, nephew, and my niece's friend. She opened the hood and saw flames, yelled "get out!" to the kids and was able to get them to safety. The fire burned the engine, hood, headlights, etc. I am so thankful that everyone was kept safe during this.
Anyway, I am realizing how blessed that I am to have two beautiful healthy baby girls to hold and love on. Yes, I have a baby in heaven that I never got to meet. Carrying a baby for 12 weeks, for it to only end in good-bye was heart wrenching. I am not over it. I will never be "over" it. But, I could not imagine HOLDING your baby.. kissing and loving on your tiny precious miracle, to only get a few weeks, or days, or hours with them. Life is so short. Life is precious and fragile. Hold your babies tight. Love on them. Remember in the tough hours that at least you have them to frustrate you. Life isn't perfect. I have my moments where I want to pull my hair out. But, I would rather be bald with my sweet girls than have perfect hair without them.
Here is the facebook page for baby Eden. Here They are setting up for people to send donations, etc. to this family to help with medical costs, etc. I am not pushing you to do so, but maybe you can leave a note of encouragement for the family. Say a quick prayer for them. I am literally sick to my stomach over the heartache she must be feeling.. I cannot imagine...
Update: Jim Luna passed away this afternoon. Please keep his family in your prayers. I also found out that my sister's van caught on fire today. She was in it with my niece, nephew, and my niece's friend. She opened the hood and saw flames, yelled "get out!" to the kids and was able to get them to safety. The fire burned the engine, hood, headlights, etc. I am so thankful that everyone was kept safe during this.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Successful Summer Memories
I apologize for the "randomocity" of my post yesterday! My brain was in far too many places to have any logical thoughts.
The girls did not like the sprinkler at first. They both cried. I unhooked the sprinkler and just sprayed them with the hose. They loved playing in the water that way. Our sprinkler is a little fierce though. It is one that is like an extension of the hose, then has all of these mini-hoses that come out and spray all over the place. They wiggle around and randomly shoot you in the eye. I know that when they are older they will love it. Right now, I think it's just a bit much for them. I will have to find one that is a little better for their age. We all had a blast.
My hubby was super stressed out yesterday. We have taken on re-painting our youth room. On top of that, Pastor just left for a 3 week vacation. That means that Scott has to paint, mow the entire church property (which is MASSIVE), do a wedding this weekend, get ready for a possible funeral (that sounds terrible.. pray for this sweet man who is losing the battle with cancer), and do all of his normal youth work. He came home to Addison playing in the sprinkler while Chloe finally got a much-needed nap. He threw on some clothes to play in, and had more fun than the girls did. Chloe eventually had to be woken up so that she could play, too. Scott kept saying over and over again how much fun he was having. I am so thankful for the little things in life. My life really is beautiful! I am so unbelievably blessed!!
I will post some pictures later! Enjoy today! You will never get it back!
The girls did not like the sprinkler at first. They both cried. I unhooked the sprinkler and just sprayed them with the hose. They loved playing in the water that way. Our sprinkler is a little fierce though. It is one that is like an extension of the hose, then has all of these mini-hoses that come out and spray all over the place. They wiggle around and randomly shoot you in the eye. I know that when they are older they will love it. Right now, I think it's just a bit much for them. I will have to find one that is a little better for their age. We all had a blast.
My hubby was super stressed out yesterday. We have taken on re-painting our youth room. On top of that, Pastor just left for a 3 week vacation. That means that Scott has to paint, mow the entire church property (which is MASSIVE), do a wedding this weekend, get ready for a possible funeral (that sounds terrible.. pray for this sweet man who is losing the battle with cancer), and do all of his normal youth work. He came home to Addison playing in the sprinkler while Chloe finally got a much-needed nap. He threw on some clothes to play in, and had more fun than the girls did. Chloe eventually had to be woken up so that she could play, too. Scott kept saying over and over again how much fun he was having. I am so thankful for the little things in life. My life really is beautiful! I am so unbelievably blessed!!
I will post some pictures later! Enjoy today! You will never get it back!
Monday, June 24, 2013
Sweet Summertime
I always look forward to summer every year. I have this wonderful picture painted in my head of our family going on vacations, spending time at the beach, swimming, and just having a lot of fun. The reality of summer is that we live in Michigan. Yes, we have the beautiful lakes all around us, but they are at least an hour drive from where we live. Summer is BUSY in youth ministry. You have camp, and a lot of other summer activities. We have to take advantage of the time off of school with our "kids". Am I the only youth pastor wife who views their teens as their own kids?! We had a young man stop and help all of the ladies get down the stairs yesterday at church. I beamed with pride, as if I was his mother. Anyway, back to summer...
Summer is nothing like the image in my head. It is HOT. We had beautiful 70 degree days for WEEKS! But, it was rainy a lot so we couldn't really go out and play much. Now, it is hot. I hate hot. Hot makes me so grouchy. I hate being sticky and sweaty. Addi gets hot really easily, too, so we can't play outside for very long when it's hot. Today, though.. I am tired of my kids being robbed of summer fun. We are putting on our swimsuits and going outside to play in the sprinkler. I keep hoping we can set up our little pool to swim, but we will see. We live on church property and it would kill a 10-12 foot circle of grass. :/ Scott has a softball game tonight, so we are daddy-less again. I want the girls to look back and have awesome memories of their childhood.
Ministry is tough. I know a lot of ministry kids who leave the church because they felt their parents put the church before their family. I don't want that for my girls. I want them to see two parents who LOVE JESUS. Who serve him wholeheartedly. I think a lot of people forget that our ministry is our own family, too. We are often expected to drop everything for others ALL THE TIME. Please don't misunderstand me. The blessings of ministry far outweigh the downsides. However, there are many sacrifices that families like ours have to make. We make them willingly. But, I need to remember to make the family time that we do get special. Even if it's just the girls and I because Daddy is often busy. We have lived in Michigan for 4 years.. tomorrow I think actually makes 4 years for us! WOW! Sadly, we don't really know what there is in Michigan. We've been to the Detroit zoo countless times. We've been to port huron, Frankenmuth, outlet malls, blah, blah, blah. But, if anyone knows of anything in the state that is FREE, or really cheap, I am open to any suggestions. There are only so many "at the house" activities we can do. ;)
Chloe also got an AWESOME early birthday present from Mimi and Papa Pullen this week!! She is such a big girl! She calls me "mom" all the time, which makes me really sad. I am not old enough to be MOM, and I don't feel like she is old enough to call me that. *sigh* I wish they could stay little forever. Ok, maybe not.. I can't wait for the days when we can shop together and not have them stashing clothes, candy bars, and toys in the stroller. I always have to do a serious search for stolen goods before we leave ANY store. haha! Anyway, my scatter brain needs to be quiet now. Here is a picture of my big girl on her big girl bike!!!!
Summer is nothing like the image in my head. It is HOT. We had beautiful 70 degree days for WEEKS! But, it was rainy a lot so we couldn't really go out and play much. Now, it is hot. I hate hot. Hot makes me so grouchy. I hate being sticky and sweaty. Addi gets hot really easily, too, so we can't play outside for very long when it's hot. Today, though.. I am tired of my kids being robbed of summer fun. We are putting on our swimsuits and going outside to play in the sprinkler. I keep hoping we can set up our little pool to swim, but we will see. We live on church property and it would kill a 10-12 foot circle of grass. :/ Scott has a softball game tonight, so we are daddy-less again. I want the girls to look back and have awesome memories of their childhood.
Ministry is tough. I know a lot of ministry kids who leave the church because they felt their parents put the church before their family. I don't want that for my girls. I want them to see two parents who LOVE JESUS. Who serve him wholeheartedly. I think a lot of people forget that our ministry is our own family, too. We are often expected to drop everything for others ALL THE TIME. Please don't misunderstand me. The blessings of ministry far outweigh the downsides. However, there are many sacrifices that families like ours have to make. We make them willingly. But, I need to remember to make the family time that we do get special. Even if it's just the girls and I because Daddy is often busy. We have lived in Michigan for 4 years.. tomorrow I think actually makes 4 years for us! WOW! Sadly, we don't really know what there is in Michigan. We've been to the Detroit zoo countless times. We've been to port huron, Frankenmuth, outlet malls, blah, blah, blah. But, if anyone knows of anything in the state that is FREE, or really cheap, I am open to any suggestions. There are only so many "at the house" activities we can do. ;)
Chloe also got an AWESOME early birthday present from Mimi and Papa Pullen this week!! She is such a big girl! She calls me "mom" all the time, which makes me really sad. I am not old enough to be MOM, and I don't feel like she is old enough to call me that. *sigh* I wish they could stay little forever. Ok, maybe not.. I can't wait for the days when we can shop together and not have them stashing clothes, candy bars, and toys in the stroller. I always have to do a serious search for stolen goods before we leave ANY store. haha! Anyway, my scatter brain needs to be quiet now. Here is a picture of my big girl on her big girl bike!!!!
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Caffeine in an IV?
I don't know if anyone actually reads this. Sometimes I get thoughts in my head that make my brain feel like it will explode, so I write them here. If you do read this, I am sorry to waste your time. ha!
If you note the current time at my house, it is around 2 AM! My children WILL NOT STAY ASLEEP! Now, I LOVE being a momma. It's the best job I have ever had. However, this week has been really rough.
Addison is getting her "2 year" molars right now. She is a teething monster. She cries all day long, and nothing really makes her feel better. Well, now it is waking her up at night a LOT. Last night I was up with her a couple of times. Tonight, she has already been up 3 times.
Ever since we switched Chloe to the big-girl bed, she wakes up once a night. Occasionally it is more, but usually once. Sometimes she falls out of her bed. Sometimes she can't find her binky. Sometimes she is thirsty. Sometimes she is just ornery. Tonight, she has also been up around 3 times already. She keeps saying that her leg hurts. She must be having a growth spurt. Great.. She already is squeezing into her 3T tops. Keep in mind that she has not even turned 3 yet! I am glad I have been stocking up on 4T clothes as they are on mega-clearance.
What is the point of me saying all of this? I have no idea. If you were looking for an intelligent post, you have come to the wrong place.
I have a 12-cup coffee maker. I have no interest in one that makes ONE cup of coffee. Because, really, I need more than one cup of coffee to keep up with these little ones. I just brewed a FULL POT so that I can make it through this night. I might have a permanent twitch by the end of the night, but that will just entertain the girls tomorrow morning.
I am thankful to have Swagbucks, the blog universe, and Bible studies to keep me entertained all night.. Maybe I will pass out on the couch. Maybe.
If you DO read this, please keep me in your prayers tomorrow. I have REALLY been working on being "slow to anger", as this is my biggest struggle.. Sleep deprivation usually causes extreme irritability in me. I do not want to be that ugly person. Words can never be unsaid. I have the emotional wounds from my pre-teen and teen years of words that cut deep.. I do not want my girls to have wounds that they have to fight their whole lives to overcome. Also, send coffee. Lots of coffee. Coffee in an IV!
If you note the current time at my house, it is around 2 AM! My children WILL NOT STAY ASLEEP! Now, I LOVE being a momma. It's the best job I have ever had. However, this week has been really rough.
Addison is getting her "2 year" molars right now. She is a teething monster. She cries all day long, and nothing really makes her feel better. Well, now it is waking her up at night a LOT. Last night I was up with her a couple of times. Tonight, she has already been up 3 times.
Ever since we switched Chloe to the big-girl bed, she wakes up once a night. Occasionally it is more, but usually once. Sometimes she falls out of her bed. Sometimes she can't find her binky. Sometimes she is thirsty. Sometimes she is just ornery. Tonight, she has also been up around 3 times already. She keeps saying that her leg hurts. She must be having a growth spurt. Great.. She already is squeezing into her 3T tops. Keep in mind that she has not even turned 3 yet! I am glad I have been stocking up on 4T clothes as they are on mega-clearance.
What is the point of me saying all of this? I have no idea. If you were looking for an intelligent post, you have come to the wrong place.
I have a 12-cup coffee maker. I have no interest in one that makes ONE cup of coffee. Because, really, I need more than one cup of coffee to keep up with these little ones. I just brewed a FULL POT so that I can make it through this night. I might have a permanent twitch by the end of the night, but that will just entertain the girls tomorrow morning.
I am thankful to have Swagbucks, the blog universe, and Bible studies to keep me entertained all night.. Maybe I will pass out on the couch. Maybe.
If you DO read this, please keep me in your prayers tomorrow. I have REALLY been working on being "slow to anger", as this is my biggest struggle.. Sleep deprivation usually causes extreme irritability in me. I do not want to be that ugly person. Words can never be unsaid. I have the emotional wounds from my pre-teen and teen years of words that cut deep.. I do not want my girls to have wounds that they have to fight their whole lives to overcome. Also, send coffee. Lots of coffee. Coffee in an IV!
Friday, June 7, 2013
Failure
Have you ever laid down in bed at night only to think, "Man, I really failed today." That has happened to me on many occasions. Last night was one of these. The morning started off great with everyone in good moods. We had an appointment early that went quickly. We ate a good, healthy breakfast. We played, went to Sam's club, ate lunch, and took good naps. That is when it all started. The girls woke up on the wrong side of the bed/crib. G-R-O-U-C-H-Y. All three of us.
I was given a Red Lobster gift card, and this week they had a coupon to get the kids meals free with the purchase of ours. SA-weet! We decided to give Chloe yet another chance to sit in the booth next to us. Dumb. That child is going to be twenty-five and still sitting in a stupid high chair. There is only so much disciplining that you can do in public.. which is practically nothing.. If you DON'T discipline, then you are "that" parent who isn't doing anything. If you DO, then you are "that" parent who supposedly abuses their children. Chloe was all over the place. Under the table- check. Staring at people next to us- check. Screaming- check. This child REALLY tests me... daily. Awesome waiter dude took 100 years getting our check to us. That's how it felt anyway. I finally told Scott that I was taking her to the van because I couldn't take it anymore. I disciplined her real good in the van. She fake-cried acting like she was horribly sorry for her behavior. She fake-coughed to attempt to cover her laughter. Where does a two-year-old get this behavior from?!?!?!??!??!?! I most certainly am not teaching her. Ugh.
From there we got extra stupid and went to the mall. My husband wears his tennis shoes daily. Every single day those things are on his feet. You wondered what that smell was? Oh, yeah, that's his shoes. He pointed out that there is a MASSIVE hole in the toe of his shoes to me the other day. Umm... yeah.. let's get that taken care of. We got him a new pair of shoes while the girls threw fits in the stroller. Addison is usually really good and content as long as she is being wheeled around in her chariot. I think she had enough of Chloe's fantastic, gold star worthy behavior by this time, too. We came home and I felt like I was losing my mind. I wanted to climb into the van and drive away from my life. But, gas prices are $4.29, and I may need both kidneys some day..
I laid down and just thought, "Wow, that was awful!" I yelled. I lost my patience. I didn't show grace, or the love of Jesus to my girls. What if that was the last day I ever got with them? Are those the memories I would want them to have of me? Are those the memories I would want to keep of my last day with them? So often our days are hard. They are long, and seemingly endless. I am tested DAILY by my strong-willed child... who is probably a lot like me and I just don't want to admit it. I had to pray, tell myself I would do better today, and fall asleep in my exhausted and disappointed state while trying to forgive myself.
Today is shaping up to be a lot like yesterday. Chloe is refusing to nap, or even stay away from her door and BE QUIET during her rest time. She has woken Addison up an hour earlier than normal for her. I have an extra toddler who throws epic fits when he is told "no." Pray that I have grace, patience, and wisdom today. I am struggling. I know I am not the only mama who feels this way. We all have these bad days. Maybe if we banded together in prayer for one another, we would have the strength to get through these days.
I was given a Red Lobster gift card, and this week they had a coupon to get the kids meals free with the purchase of ours. SA-weet! We decided to give Chloe yet another chance to sit in the booth next to us. Dumb. That child is going to be twenty-five and still sitting in a stupid high chair. There is only so much disciplining that you can do in public.. which is practically nothing.. If you DON'T discipline, then you are "that" parent who isn't doing anything. If you DO, then you are "that" parent who supposedly abuses their children. Chloe was all over the place. Under the table- check. Staring at people next to us- check. Screaming- check. This child REALLY tests me... daily. Awesome waiter dude took 100 years getting our check to us. That's how it felt anyway. I finally told Scott that I was taking her to the van because I couldn't take it anymore. I disciplined her real good in the van. She fake-cried acting like she was horribly sorry for her behavior. She fake-coughed to attempt to cover her laughter. Where does a two-year-old get this behavior from?!?!?!??!??!?! I most certainly am not teaching her. Ugh.
From there we got extra stupid and went to the mall. My husband wears his tennis shoes daily. Every single day those things are on his feet. You wondered what that smell was? Oh, yeah, that's his shoes. He pointed out that there is a MASSIVE hole in the toe of his shoes to me the other day. Umm... yeah.. let's get that taken care of. We got him a new pair of shoes while the girls threw fits in the stroller. Addison is usually really good and content as long as she is being wheeled around in her chariot. I think she had enough of Chloe's fantastic, gold star worthy behavior by this time, too. We came home and I felt like I was losing my mind. I wanted to climb into the van and drive away from my life. But, gas prices are $4.29, and I may need both kidneys some day..
I laid down and just thought, "Wow, that was awful!" I yelled. I lost my patience. I didn't show grace, or the love of Jesus to my girls. What if that was the last day I ever got with them? Are those the memories I would want them to have of me? Are those the memories I would want to keep of my last day with them? So often our days are hard. They are long, and seemingly endless. I am tested DAILY by my strong-willed child... who is probably a lot like me and I just don't want to admit it. I had to pray, tell myself I would do better today, and fall asleep in my exhausted and disappointed state while trying to forgive myself.
Today is shaping up to be a lot like yesterday. Chloe is refusing to nap, or even stay away from her door and BE QUIET during her rest time. She has woken Addison up an hour earlier than normal for her. I have an extra toddler who throws epic fits when he is told "no." Pray that I have grace, patience, and wisdom today. I am struggling. I know I am not the only mama who feels this way. We all have these bad days. Maybe if we banded together in prayer for one another, we would have the strength to get through these days.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
My tricky thyroid
Some of you know that during my pregnancy with Addison, I had somewhat of a cancer scare. I kept having all sorts of heart palpitations. I wore a heart monitor for a couple of days that monitored my heart rate every second of the day. When that showed nothing, I wore a heart monitor for TWO WEEKS. I had to push a button and stay completely still if I had any heart issues. Of course, I only had one episode in those two weeks (after having several per day before these monitors). That one episode didn't get recorded for some reason. If you move even a little bit, it doesn't go through. Anyway, fast forward a few weeks and my sister and mom were skyping with me. My sister pointed out that my neck looked fat. Ha! Just kidding. She said that my thyroid looked weird. So, I called the doctor's office. My mom had half of her thyroid removed because she had a growth on it. Her neck looked just like mine when she discovered this.. I go into the doctor and the nurse tells me that the last person who had all of the problems that I was having ended up having thyroid cancer. OOOooookayy.. Cue heart attack. I had to have blood work done, and sweat by the phone until the called me. All of my blood work came back just fine, and I never thought about it again.
Fast forward a couple of years. Last week I started having some problems with my neck. It was hurting the outside of my neck to talk, swallow, or move. It would feel a little better in the morning after having the rest, but by the end of the day I was popping Tylenol and wanting to cry. I called the doctor and she noticed that my thyroid looked large. Uh, ok. Yeah, but that's how my neck always looks doesn't it? Is it abnormal? So, she orders blood tests and an ultrasound. I got the results of my blood test the day I was going in for my ultrasound. "Your thyroid function is just fine." Awesome, so I probably have some tumor or some horrific thing that causes my neck to look swollen. I tried to read the ultrasound tech's face while she was doing it, and she has one heck of a poker face. Seriously.. I hate that. They called me today and the nurse kept stumbling over everything that she was saying. My heart starts pounding thinking that she is going to tell me that something is wrong. "The ultrasound did show.... that... " WOMAN! SPIT IT OUT!!!!! "that it was normal." UGH!! So, the moral of this story is that if you ever see me, and notice that my thyroid looks large. Keep your dirty mouth shut. ;)
God is so good. God would have been good if I found out that I had a tumor, or something worse. God is always good. My faith has been tested. I always think that cancer would never happen to me, and I honestly wasn't thinking that I would have it. I was worried that I would have to have a cyst or something removed. Now, my mom was in some serious pain after this surgery. They literally slit her throat from one side to the other. She is a strong woman; nothing ever hurts her. When I asked how she was feeling while laying in the recovery room, her response was "It hurts. It really hurts." My strong mother was telling me it hurts. IF I had to have this surgery, I wouldn't be able to have my girls around me for a little bit because they wouldn't understand why they couldn't hug me, or poke the Frankenstein's monster neck. Sorry, mom, but that was a freaky looking wound. She knows that. She knows that I usually can't handle stuff like that, but I did this time. I was determined to be strong for her. haha! I am a weenie..
Fast forward a couple of years. Last week I started having some problems with my neck. It was hurting the outside of my neck to talk, swallow, or move. It would feel a little better in the morning after having the rest, but by the end of the day I was popping Tylenol and wanting to cry. I called the doctor and she noticed that my thyroid looked large. Uh, ok. Yeah, but that's how my neck always looks doesn't it? Is it abnormal? So, she orders blood tests and an ultrasound. I got the results of my blood test the day I was going in for my ultrasound. "Your thyroid function is just fine." Awesome, so I probably have some tumor or some horrific thing that causes my neck to look swollen. I tried to read the ultrasound tech's face while she was doing it, and she has one heck of a poker face. Seriously.. I hate that. They called me today and the nurse kept stumbling over everything that she was saying. My heart starts pounding thinking that she is going to tell me that something is wrong. "The ultrasound did show.... that... " WOMAN! SPIT IT OUT!!!!! "that it was normal." UGH!! So, the moral of this story is that if you ever see me, and notice that my thyroid looks large. Keep your dirty mouth shut. ;)
God is so good. God would have been good if I found out that I had a tumor, or something worse. God is always good. My faith has been tested. I always think that cancer would never happen to me, and I honestly wasn't thinking that I would have it. I was worried that I would have to have a cyst or something removed. Now, my mom was in some serious pain after this surgery. They literally slit her throat from one side to the other. She is a strong woman; nothing ever hurts her. When I asked how she was feeling while laying in the recovery room, her response was "It hurts. It really hurts." My strong mother was telling me it hurts. IF I had to have this surgery, I wouldn't be able to have my girls around me for a little bit because they wouldn't understand why they couldn't hug me, or poke the Frankenstein's monster neck. Sorry, mom, but that was a freaky looking wound. She knows that. She knows that I usually can't handle stuff like that, but I did this time. I was determined to be strong for her. haha! I am a weenie..
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
25 random facts
I have seen a few bloggers do this. I am kinda bored. So, here it goes..
1. I was born in New Mexico. Every time I have to get a new driver's license or anything that makes me show my birth certificate, I have the employee ask if that is in the United States. Please, people, learn your geography!
2. I always dreamt of being a teacher. I used to play school with my little sister and teach her everything that I was learning. I actually was a teacher for a year, and hated it.. well, the parents. Parents think that their kids can do no wrong, and that it is the teacher's responsibility to teach them EVERYTHING in the few hours at school.. Now, I get to teach my own children, and I am so excited!
3. I LOVE pineapple. Especially when it's frozen. YUM!
4. Fall is my favorite season. There is just something about the crisp air, and comfy sweaters that I LOVE.
5. I used to love decorating for Christmas. My mom and dad's house was always so beautiful. Now, our house is very small, and all of the decorations end up giving me a headache a week in. I feel like a Scrooge.
6. My husband and I have been a couple for almost 10 years. It is amazing how much we have grown from 15 and 16 year olds to 25 and 26 year olds..
7. I am growing more and more passionate about nutrition and the foods I feed my family. I wish I had studied nutrition in college.
8. Scott took me to see the ocean for the first time on our honeymoon. I think a large piece of my heart stayed there on the beach. I love it.
9. I love having girls. If I have all girls, I will be just fine with that. (not that I would be unhappy with a boy)
10. I honestly believe that I married up. My husband is one good-looking, God-fearing, loving man.
11. My favorite Disney princess is Belle. She is the only one who wasn't chasing a prince. She loved to read.
12. My second favorite is Ariel. Why? She's a mermaid. Enough said.
13. I am currently waiting on ultrasound results to find out if I have a tumor, cyst, or something else on my thyroid. I am trying really hard to stay calm, but for some reason am really REALLY nervous. God is in control.
14. I love coffee. Coffee with a lot of cream and sugar.
15. Sonic vanilla coke is my weakness. I never used to drink soda.. now, I can't seem to stop. I know it's terrible.
16. I have an almost paralyzing fear of crashing into water with my girls in the van with me. Two five-point-harness car seats and a sinking vehicle... yeah...
17. I LONG for a vacation with my husband where we can just relax and not worry about anyone else's schedules.
18. I always cut Chloe and Addi's PB&J sandwiches into shapes. Always.
19. I can't stand when my toe-nail polish is chipped. I could care less about my fingers though.
20. I don't like when people brag about all that they have done. God sees what you do in secret, and will reward you openly. Quit bragging about how "awesome" you are..
21. I am really trying to work on complaining less. Can you tell?
22. I love reading books about being a good, Godly wife and mother more than I like reading novels.
23. I feel like I don't have any talents to offer to God. I am still working at figuring out what mine is.
24. I LOVE being a mother. Every day isn't perfect, but I am doing what I was created to do.
25. I feel like I am failing on a daily basis. Failing at being the mom I always dreamt I would be. Failing at being the wife my husband needs. I struggle with this EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. and I am working so hard at overcoming it.
Thank you for wasting your time. :)
1. I was born in New Mexico. Every time I have to get a new driver's license or anything that makes me show my birth certificate, I have the employee ask if that is in the United States. Please, people, learn your geography!
2. I always dreamt of being a teacher. I used to play school with my little sister and teach her everything that I was learning. I actually was a teacher for a year, and hated it.. well, the parents. Parents think that their kids can do no wrong, and that it is the teacher's responsibility to teach them EVERYTHING in the few hours at school.. Now, I get to teach my own children, and I am so excited!
3. I LOVE pineapple. Especially when it's frozen. YUM!
4. Fall is my favorite season. There is just something about the crisp air, and comfy sweaters that I LOVE.
5. I used to love decorating for Christmas. My mom and dad's house was always so beautiful. Now, our house is very small, and all of the decorations end up giving me a headache a week in. I feel like a Scrooge.
6. My husband and I have been a couple for almost 10 years. It is amazing how much we have grown from 15 and 16 year olds to 25 and 26 year olds..
7. I am growing more and more passionate about nutrition and the foods I feed my family. I wish I had studied nutrition in college.
8. Scott took me to see the ocean for the first time on our honeymoon. I think a large piece of my heart stayed there on the beach. I love it.
9. I love having girls. If I have all girls, I will be just fine with that. (not that I would be unhappy with a boy)
10. I honestly believe that I married up. My husband is one good-looking, God-fearing, loving man.
11. My favorite Disney princess is Belle. She is the only one who wasn't chasing a prince. She loved to read.
12. My second favorite is Ariel. Why? She's a mermaid. Enough said.
13. I am currently waiting on ultrasound results to find out if I have a tumor, cyst, or something else on my thyroid. I am trying really hard to stay calm, but for some reason am really REALLY nervous. God is in control.
14. I love coffee. Coffee with a lot of cream and sugar.
15. Sonic vanilla coke is my weakness. I never used to drink soda.. now, I can't seem to stop. I know it's terrible.
16. I have an almost paralyzing fear of crashing into water with my girls in the van with me. Two five-point-harness car seats and a sinking vehicle... yeah...
17. I LONG for a vacation with my husband where we can just relax and not worry about anyone else's schedules.
18. I always cut Chloe and Addi's PB&J sandwiches into shapes. Always.
19. I can't stand when my toe-nail polish is chipped. I could care less about my fingers though.
20. I don't like when people brag about all that they have done. God sees what you do in secret, and will reward you openly. Quit bragging about how "awesome" you are..
21. I am really trying to work on complaining less. Can you tell?
22. I love reading books about being a good, Godly wife and mother more than I like reading novels.
23. I feel like I don't have any talents to offer to God. I am still working at figuring out what mine is.
24. I LOVE being a mother. Every day isn't perfect, but I am doing what I was created to do.
25. I feel like I am failing on a daily basis. Failing at being the mom I always dreamt I would be. Failing at being the wife my husband needs. I struggle with this EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. and I am working so hard at overcoming it.
Thank you for wasting your time. :)
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
The.End.
My husband left for a "work trip" on Sunday, immediately after church. Yes. That is Mother's Day. Now, that is all fine and dandy. I was feeling really down this Mother's Day because I should have had a one month old to celebrate with. Now, I know I am so blessed to have my girls, and if that is all God chooses to bless me with, I am still incredibly blessed. My parents were in town, so Sunday was fine. Monday morning they headed out. I kept the girls and myself busy all day. Cue night time.
Chloe is potty trained, but she likes the little potty chair. Well, I sit her in the potty and run out to the kitchen to put a package of chicken in the fridge so that it didn't go bad before I got a chance to divide it and freeze it. I walk back into the bathroom 2.5 seconds later (our house is T-I-N-Y) and Addison has decided to splash Chloe's urine (sorry) allllllllllllllll over the bathroom. I am YELLING about how that is nasty and not a toy. I start cleaning it all up. In that time Addi opened a drawer and yanked my open makeup bag out, spilling the contents all over the floor. Also busting an eye shadow all over the floor. Seriously. I start thinking about how much I miss my mom and dad, and my husband. I start crying hysterically. Chloe gets a really worried look on her face and says, "You tired, Mama? You tired?" "Yeah, baby, I am tired." "Me blow your nose." And, she comes over wiping my nose with a tissue. I have got to learn to hold it together in front of my girls, but maybe it is better that I am real in front of them.. Anyway, to make a long story short, Chloe stayed up until MIDNIGHT yacking at the door with her demands. (goldfish, animal crackers, a different movie, more milk, more milk again) AHHHHHH!!!
This morning she wakes up at 7:30. I didn't fall asleep until sometime after 1 I believe. I am EXHAUSTED and feeling extremely frustrated because she HAD been sleeping in until 8 or 9 this past weekend. Once Addison gets up we load into the van and head for Target and Lowes to run a couple of errands. Chloe and Addi apparently hate each other today. They fought in the shopping carts. Chloe has to sit in the basket because NONE of the two-seater carts have working buckles. She thinks its funny to stand and jump in the basket. She also thinks it is funny to SPIT at me. I don't think it's funny that I have to slap her mouth to get her to stop. They refused to eat their lunch... Naptime was short for some reason..
This evening was really magical. Addi and Chloe hit each other SO MUCH that they both still had red marks all over their faces when I put them to bed. Addi would breathe, and Chloe would yell at her, so Addi would pinch her, so Chloe would hit her, so Addi hit back, so Chloe smashed a block, train track, whatever she could find into Addi's head. Eventually all I could do was stare in amazement.. and long to go hide under the covers in bed. I keep thinking that Scott will be home tomorrow, and I can make it. But, I have two more days of this junk. If tomorrow is like today was, I will be putting the girls in the van, and driving across the world. They can't hit each other in the van. They can't even look at each other. Addi is so quiet and content in the van. It is magical. I moved the seat so far forward that Chloe cannot kick the back of the chair in front of her, so her annoying habit has stopped while Daddy is gone.
I have really been working on self-control. I struggle with this. I am not slow to anger as the Bible tells us we need to be. I used to be the exact opposite. I really have become a LOT better, by God's grace, at controlling my temper. Some people like to remind me of who I WAS. I am not that person any more. And, I think the fact that all three of us are alive after a day like today shows that I have mastered it. Ok, not mastered it, but I never overreacted. I didn't constantly text my husband about how awful his daughters were behaving and how much I was angry that he was away. I was not perfect by any means. Right now I long to chug a bottle of Nyquil and slip blissfully into a two-day coma.
I am about to start a book called "Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions" The cover has a picture of a woman with her head in a purse. I am guessing she is SCREAMING at the top of her lungs into her massive yellow purse. I'd like to borrow her yellow purse today. Today has really been a struggle. If you read this, please pray for me to have patience and know how best to respond to Chloe to get her to LISTEN. She is blatantly disobedient and I have tried everything that I know to do. I read a lot about what I could possibly do with her. I tell her WHY she can't do something. That works better than just telling her not to do it. I know that today is a result of daddy being gone since Sunday, and she just doesn't fully know how to vocalize her emotions. There is no excuse for the level of disobedience that she portrayed today though. Addison's level was completely understandable.
Sorry for ranting. I just really needed to get it off my chest so that when Scott calls I don't blow up in his ear. Pray that he has a safe trip home on Thursday.
Chloe is potty trained, but she likes the little potty chair. Well, I sit her in the potty and run out to the kitchen to put a package of chicken in the fridge so that it didn't go bad before I got a chance to divide it and freeze it. I walk back into the bathroom 2.5 seconds later (our house is T-I-N-Y) and Addison has decided to splash Chloe's urine (sorry) allllllllllllllll over the bathroom. I am YELLING about how that is nasty and not a toy. I start cleaning it all up. In that time Addi opened a drawer and yanked my open makeup bag out, spilling the contents all over the floor. Also busting an eye shadow all over the floor. Seriously. I start thinking about how much I miss my mom and dad, and my husband. I start crying hysterically. Chloe gets a really worried look on her face and says, "You tired, Mama? You tired?" "Yeah, baby, I am tired." "Me blow your nose." And, she comes over wiping my nose with a tissue. I have got to learn to hold it together in front of my girls, but maybe it is better that I am real in front of them.. Anyway, to make a long story short, Chloe stayed up until MIDNIGHT yacking at the door with her demands. (goldfish, animal crackers, a different movie, more milk, more milk again) AHHHHHH!!!
This morning she wakes up at 7:30. I didn't fall asleep until sometime after 1 I believe. I am EXHAUSTED and feeling extremely frustrated because she HAD been sleeping in until 8 or 9 this past weekend. Once Addison gets up we load into the van and head for Target and Lowes to run a couple of errands. Chloe and Addi apparently hate each other today. They fought in the shopping carts. Chloe has to sit in the basket because NONE of the two-seater carts have working buckles. She thinks its funny to stand and jump in the basket. She also thinks it is funny to SPIT at me. I don't think it's funny that I have to slap her mouth to get her to stop. They refused to eat their lunch... Naptime was short for some reason..
This evening was really magical. Addi and Chloe hit each other SO MUCH that they both still had red marks all over their faces when I put them to bed. Addi would breathe, and Chloe would yell at her, so Addi would pinch her, so Chloe would hit her, so Addi hit back, so Chloe smashed a block, train track, whatever she could find into Addi's head. Eventually all I could do was stare in amazement.. and long to go hide under the covers in bed. I keep thinking that Scott will be home tomorrow, and I can make it. But, I have two more days of this junk. If tomorrow is like today was, I will be putting the girls in the van, and driving across the world. They can't hit each other in the van. They can't even look at each other. Addi is so quiet and content in the van. It is magical. I moved the seat so far forward that Chloe cannot kick the back of the chair in front of her, so her annoying habit has stopped while Daddy is gone.
I have really been working on self-control. I struggle with this. I am not slow to anger as the Bible tells us we need to be. I used to be the exact opposite. I really have become a LOT better, by God's grace, at controlling my temper. Some people like to remind me of who I WAS. I am not that person any more. And, I think the fact that all three of us are alive after a day like today shows that I have mastered it. Ok, not mastered it, but I never overreacted. I didn't constantly text my husband about how awful his daughters were behaving and how much I was angry that he was away. I was not perfect by any means. Right now I long to chug a bottle of Nyquil and slip blissfully into a two-day coma.
I am about to start a book called "Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions" The cover has a picture of a woman with her head in a purse. I am guessing she is SCREAMING at the top of her lungs into her massive yellow purse. I'd like to borrow her yellow purse today. Today has really been a struggle. If you read this, please pray for me to have patience and know how best to respond to Chloe to get her to LISTEN. She is blatantly disobedient and I have tried everything that I know to do. I read a lot about what I could possibly do with her. I tell her WHY she can't do something. That works better than just telling her not to do it. I know that today is a result of daddy being gone since Sunday, and she just doesn't fully know how to vocalize her emotions. There is no excuse for the level of disobedience that she portrayed today though. Addison's level was completely understandable.
Sorry for ranting. I just really needed to get it off my chest so that when Scott calls I don't blow up in his ear. Pray that he has a safe trip home on Thursday.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
About me
I remember doing these in high school, so for old time's sake.. Here we go! :)
Name: Ashley
Birthday: May 10- That is Friday, ya'll!!
Birthplace: Alamogordo, NM
Current Location: Near Flint, MI
Eye Color: grey
Hair Color: BLONDE
Height: 5' 8"
Right Handed or Left Handed: right
Your Heritage: German, Cherokee.. not sure what else...
The Shoes You Wore Today: Sandals
Your Weakness: coffee
Your Fears: crashing into water with both of my girls in the van..
Your Perfect Pizza: cheese
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Get down to 135 pounds
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: Who uses instant messenger anymore?? It used to be "anywho"
Thoughts First Waking Up: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Your Best Physical Feature: I don't even know anymore. I used to think it was my hair, but now I feel like I don't have any good features. No, I am not fishing for a compliment here..
Your Bedtime: Whenever I finally fall asleep.
Your Most Missed Memory: Watching my husband (then boyfriend) play football
Pepsi or Coke: coke. cherry.
MacDonalds or Burger King: I would rather eat garbage.. it would probably be healthier..
Single or Group Dates: SINGLE!!
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee: both!
Do you Smoke: never.. disgusting.
Do you Swear: Honestly, if I am really REALLY mad or stressed, I slip up.
Do you Sing: Yep
Do you Shower Daily: Yes, most of the time.
Have you Been in Love: I am still in love with my first love. :)
Do you want to go to College: I did, but no I didn't want to.
Do you want to get Married: I am and wouldn't trade it for anything.
Do you belive in yourself: I am working on that..
Do you get Motion Sickness: more after having kids..
Do you think you are Attractive: Not at all
Are you a Health Freak: Yes!
Do you get along with your Parents: Yes
Do you like Thunderstorms: Yes
Do you play an Instrument: I can play ONE SONG on the recorder. lame.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: never
In the past month have you Smoked: never
In the past month have you been on Drugs: never
In the past month have you gone on a Date: ha! What is a date?!
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yes!
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: NO! That is so terrible for you..
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: nope.
In the past month have you been on Stage: Yes
In the past month have you been Dumped: No!
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: nope.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: no
Ever been Drunk: never..
Ever been called a Tease: yeah I think so.
Ever been Beaten up: nope.
Ever Shoplifted: nope.
How do you want to Die: the rapture
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: I am grown up. I am doing what God wants me to: be a wife and mother
What country would you most like to Visit: Italy
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: hazel ;)
Favourite Hair Color: bald. sexy!
Short or Long Hair: short lol
Height: I'm good with my short hubby. ;)
Weight: Wow, these are shallow.. MUSCLES..
Best Clothing Style: I always said that I never wanted a guy who spent more time on his looks than I did.
Number of Drugs I have taken: like over the counter drugs? I don't know..
Number of CDs I own: several!!
Number of Piercings: my ears are pierced once.
Number of Tattoos: nada..
Number of things in my Past I Regret: A couple, but I have learned from my mistakes and believe that God will use me to help people making the same mistakes as I did.
Name: Ashley
Birthday: May 10- That is Friday, ya'll!!
Birthplace: Alamogordo, NM
Current Location: Near Flint, MI
Eye Color: grey
Hair Color: BLONDE
Height: 5' 8"
Right Handed or Left Handed: right
Your Heritage: German, Cherokee.. not sure what else...
The Shoes You Wore Today: Sandals
Your Weakness: coffee
Your Fears: crashing into water with both of my girls in the van..
Your Perfect Pizza: cheese
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Get down to 135 pounds
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: Who uses instant messenger anymore?? It used to be "anywho"
Thoughts First Waking Up: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Your Best Physical Feature: I don't even know anymore. I used to think it was my hair, but now I feel like I don't have any good features. No, I am not fishing for a compliment here..
Your Bedtime: Whenever I finally fall asleep.
Your Most Missed Memory: Watching my husband (then boyfriend) play football
Pepsi or Coke: coke. cherry.
MacDonalds or Burger King: I would rather eat garbage.. it would probably be healthier..
Single or Group Dates: SINGLE!!
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee: both!
Do you Smoke: never.. disgusting.
Do you Swear: Honestly, if I am really REALLY mad or stressed, I slip up.
Do you Sing: Yep
Do you Shower Daily: Yes, most of the time.
Have you Been in Love: I am still in love with my first love. :)
Do you want to go to College: I did, but no I didn't want to.
Do you want to get Married: I am and wouldn't trade it for anything.
Do you belive in yourself: I am working on that..
Do you get Motion Sickness: more after having kids..
Do you think you are Attractive: Not at all
Are you a Health Freak: Yes!
Do you get along with your Parents: Yes
Do you like Thunderstorms: Yes
Do you play an Instrument: I can play ONE SONG on the recorder. lame.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: never
In the past month have you Smoked: never
In the past month have you been on Drugs: never
In the past month have you gone on a Date: ha! What is a date?!
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yes!
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: NO! That is so terrible for you..
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: nope.
In the past month have you been on Stage: Yes
In the past month have you been Dumped: No!
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: nope.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: no
Ever been Drunk: never..
Ever been called a Tease: yeah I think so.
Ever been Beaten up: nope.
Ever Shoplifted: nope.
How do you want to Die: the rapture
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: I am grown up. I am doing what God wants me to: be a wife and mother
What country would you most like to Visit: Italy
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: hazel ;)
Favourite Hair Color: bald. sexy!
Short or Long Hair: short lol
Height: I'm good with my short hubby. ;)
Weight: Wow, these are shallow.. MUSCLES..
Best Clothing Style: I always said that I never wanted a guy who spent more time on his looks than I did.
Number of Drugs I have taken: like over the counter drugs? I don't know..
Number of CDs I own: several!!
Number of Piercings: my ears are pierced once.
Number of Tattoos: nada..
Number of things in my Past I Regret: A couple, but I have learned from my mistakes and believe that God will use me to help people making the same mistakes as I did.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
8 months
I just found this post that was still a "draft". Enjoy ;)
I cannot believe that my baby is 8 months old, or that I am about to enter my 4th month of pregnancy #2! This pregnancy has been so much more difficult than Chloe's. I have been really sick, and ended up losing 8 pounds. My belly didn't disappear though. I love how blessed I am. Here is the baby's heartbeat, if this video works!
Chloe is crawling EVERYWHERE.. including up the stairs!! HELLO KID, YOU ARE ONLY 8 MONTHS OLD!! She is pulling up and "cruising" around the furniture. The other day she stood by herself for a few seconds. She didn't fall either, just reached out to grab the couch. She is getting to be such a big girl. It seems like her skull is healing nicely. The swollen spot is pretty much gone, so that is wonderful! I am so thankful to have such a healthy, happy baby. She is still teething. The top two are STILL working on coming in. Her gums are so swollen and red. She also is getting two more on bottom that have slightly poked through. It is making bedtime pretty miserable for all of us around here. But, I don't blame her.
I cannot believe that my baby is 8 months old, or that I am about to enter my 4th month of pregnancy #2! This pregnancy has been so much more difficult than Chloe's. I have been really sick, and ended up losing 8 pounds. My belly didn't disappear though. I love how blessed I am. Here is the baby's heartbeat, if this video works!
You are what you eat.
I have really been on a food kick since having the girls. I don't just accept whatever junk they are marketing towards my kids. Or me. I started to get educated. There are so many food allergies, and types of cancer, etc. that people keep asking "Why is it so common?" "These things didn't exist 'back in the day'". Well, most of the "food" you are eating isn't really food anymore. It has all been genetically modified in some way or another. One of the things that I really buy organic is fruits and vegetables. Scott and I are on a TIGHT budget. He is a youth pastor; which translates to not a lot of money. To me, it is worth sacrificing to be sure that I am feeding my family the best possible food.
I make a lot of our own spice mixes (taco seasoning, chili seasoning, ranch seasoning, cream of whatever soup. I make it all. I am not trying to brag or toot my own horn, just sharing some info. It is not that hard to make these mixes. I OCCASIONALLY spend on Saturday putting all of this together. The thing is, it lasts for MONTHS. The best part of all of this- if I buy spices that I know don't have any hidden pesticides, this is MUCH better for my family. There is no added sodium to any of the mixes this way. Read your labels. See how much extra junk you are putting onto your food that is not necessary at all. It saves a lot of money, too.
I buy fruits and vegetables in season. I buy whatever is on sale and plan around that. Have you heard of the "dirty dozen" and the "clean 15"? Look them up. Memorize them. Everyone always says that their grandparents didn't buy organic food, so why should they. That is because our grandparents had FOOD. We have chemicals coating our food now. You wonder where the cancers keep coming from? Food is the greatest medicine. I buy the clean 15 as "normal" produce. Being on a budget, I try to save as much money as I can. These foods that I know aren't as contaminated are foods that I am willing to buy non-organic.
Another thing that I buy organic is yogurt. My girls and I LOVE yogurt! We have a Trader Joe's that is 30 minutes from our house (and also right down the road from the outlet malls!) I make a trip there once a month. Their organic yogurt is not much more expensive than regular yogurt at Kroger, etc. I also don't buy the individual cups of yogurt unless I have a coupon or am going on a trip. This cuts down on the cost A LOT, too. I am just fine with spending the extra minute it takes to scoop some out into a little bowl. Honestly, with the cost of milk, I have not been able to buy that organically. I would love to, but it is just too difficult right now.
Kroger sends coupons for their Simple Truth organic meats a lot. If I can get a good deal on it, I will buy as much as possible. We cannot afford to buy all organic food, but every bit counts.
Don't be fooled. Just because things say ORGANIC doesn't mean that they are all organic. If it is marked USDA certified organic, it has to be 95% or more organic. Some companies just write organic, but it is not certified. Not that you ever truly know, but I always look for it to be certified organic.
Take care of your health. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 6:19 that your body is a temple. You only get one. Treat it kindly. Take care of yourself. This means eating right, too. You can't eat garbage all day, and be lazy and expect that to be honoring to God. I am amazed at how many people in our Baptist churches laugh about being Baptist so we eat. They are overweight and unhealthy. They have not taken care of the temple of God. Yet, they will sit back and judge someone that walks in with a tattoo. Now, I am not saying anything for or against tattoos here, I am just saying that I am tired of one side being ignored. We are to do EVERYTHING for God's glory. That includes being good stewards of His gifts, which does include the body He gave you to do His work in. How can we reach people for Christ if we are too busy laying in bed sick all of the time because we aren't taking care of ourselves?
"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31
Remember, you are what you eat.
I make a lot of our own spice mixes (taco seasoning, chili seasoning, ranch seasoning, cream of whatever soup. I make it all. I am not trying to brag or toot my own horn, just sharing some info. It is not that hard to make these mixes. I OCCASIONALLY spend on Saturday putting all of this together. The thing is, it lasts for MONTHS. The best part of all of this- if I buy spices that I know don't have any hidden pesticides, this is MUCH better for my family. There is no added sodium to any of the mixes this way. Read your labels. See how much extra junk you are putting onto your food that is not necessary at all. It saves a lot of money, too.
I buy fruits and vegetables in season. I buy whatever is on sale and plan around that. Have you heard of the "dirty dozen" and the "clean 15"? Look them up. Memorize them. Everyone always says that their grandparents didn't buy organic food, so why should they. That is because our grandparents had FOOD. We have chemicals coating our food now. You wonder where the cancers keep coming from? Food is the greatest medicine. I buy the clean 15 as "normal" produce. Being on a budget, I try to save as much money as I can. These foods that I know aren't as contaminated are foods that I am willing to buy non-organic.
Another thing that I buy organic is yogurt. My girls and I LOVE yogurt! We have a Trader Joe's that is 30 minutes from our house (and also right down the road from the outlet malls!) I make a trip there once a month. Their organic yogurt is not much more expensive than regular yogurt at Kroger, etc. I also don't buy the individual cups of yogurt unless I have a coupon or am going on a trip. This cuts down on the cost A LOT, too. I am just fine with spending the extra minute it takes to scoop some out into a little bowl. Honestly, with the cost of milk, I have not been able to buy that organically. I would love to, but it is just too difficult right now.
Kroger sends coupons for their Simple Truth organic meats a lot. If I can get a good deal on it, I will buy as much as possible. We cannot afford to buy all organic food, but every bit counts.
Don't be fooled. Just because things say ORGANIC doesn't mean that they are all organic. If it is marked USDA certified organic, it has to be 95% or more organic. Some companies just write organic, but it is not certified. Not that you ever truly know, but I always look for it to be certified organic.
Take care of your health. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 6:19 that your body is a temple. You only get one. Treat it kindly. Take care of yourself. This means eating right, too. You can't eat garbage all day, and be lazy and expect that to be honoring to God. I am amazed at how many people in our Baptist churches laugh about being Baptist so we eat. They are overweight and unhealthy. They have not taken care of the temple of God. Yet, they will sit back and judge someone that walks in with a tattoo. Now, I am not saying anything for or against tattoos here, I am just saying that I am tired of one side being ignored. We are to do EVERYTHING for God's glory. That includes being good stewards of His gifts, which does include the body He gave you to do His work in. How can we reach people for Christ if we are too busy laying in bed sick all of the time because we aren't taking care of ourselves?
"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31
Remember, you are what you eat.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Spring is here!
Hello to my few loyal followers! Spring has indeed arrived in Michigan. However, it is Michigan, and winter could still poke it's ugly head in for an unwelcome visit!! We have had beautiful weather here recently. It is great timing, too, because my sweet girls are sick. We may not be able to go out in public and spread our germs, but we can play in our yard and get some fresh air and sunshine. Addison woke up this morning with a fever. It was a low-grade fever and she only had a slight cough so I wasn't worrying about it. During naptime, her slight cough turned into a really terrifying sound. I decided that I needed to take her to the doctor ASAP in case she needed a breathing treatment or something. I have been really blessed in that neither of the girls have ever needed that, but this cough sounds so strange. Our pediatrician's office closes at noon on Wednesdays, so I took her to the ER. I found out that she has a sinus infection. She is on an antibiotic for 5 days, and I am really hoping it works. She sounds terrible. Tomorrow we will be taking Chloe to the doctor. She has been coughing for over a week now, but it doesn't sound as bad as Addison's does, so I didn't think anything of it. I figure it is better safe than sorry. Please pray that my sweet girls get well. We have had a terrible winter with sickness. My due date has come and gone. I survived. Scott got me a beautiful bouquet of tulips. God gave me strength and grace. I am going to be confessing something here. I have baby fever. BAD. Almost everyone that I know is pregnant or has just had a newborn. I miss those snuggles. I miss breast feeding. I miss rocking a sweet baby all day long. I miss it all. I love the phases that the girls are in though. Mostly. Chloe is still ornery, and I am actually going to be removing gluten from her diet to see if her behavior improves at all. She is such a strong-willed girl. That will be good in the future I think, but for now it is a little (lot) frustrating. She loves her Sunday School classes. She loves to go to church, and to Daddy's "ossiss". Addison loves her nursery teacher. She will be moving up to a real class in October. Yikes! They are growing up so fast. I really didn't think that I was blinking. We just got back from our trip to Illinois a couple of weeks ago. We had such an amazing trip seeing our family. The girls handled the trip like champs. No real melt-downs. They behaved really well while we were with family. They loved everyone's "puppies". I found out that I will be blessed with TWO nephews this year. One from each sister. It was fun. It is always hard to say good-bye to family, but it is also nice to get back to our church family and OUR home. My parents will be coming up next weekend to stay for a few days. Scott will be heading to the fellowship meeting on Mother's Day. I will be spending 5 days without him. My parents will still be in town for one of those days, so that will be nice. We are going to go on a DATE! What is that even like? I don't remember! haha! Scott's parents will be coming in June for our anniversary. They want us to go out and enjoy ourselves. I'm telling you, we have the greatest parents!! I am so excited. We haven't been on a REAL date for a long time. We need to invest more in our marriage. I know that.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
updating the updates
My OTHER sister has now informed me that it has been too long since I've updated this blog. Yeah, yeah. I am busy raising my kiddos. Well, lets see... Last post I was decorating for fall early to hurry the fall weather along. Now, I have decorated for spring in a desperate plea for it to please arrive yesterday. No luck. It snowed today... and every day of my life. Ok, that's dramatic, but seriously? I am TIRED of the winter here.
I picked a wonderful day to update as Chloe just spent almost two hours in a Iwantmilk/Iwantjuice/Iwantmickey/givemeanapple/iwantmilknotjuice fit.. and she is still going.. Please, somebody come and stab me in the ears with knives. Scott won't take me up on the offer. Rude. She is 2 1/2. She talks A LOT. She is a funny little girl, and is so stinking smart. She also is an ornery little girl that throws major fits when she is unhappy about ANYTHING. She is still obsessed with Dora, though we RARELY allow it on our TV anymore. She tells me daily that her favorite color is blue. She loves pirates. Her favorite animal is a Popo (hippo). I have no idea where any of these obsessions come from, but they crack me up. She isn't obsessed with princesses and pink, which is refreshing in this day and age. She loves to "hep" mama clean the house and make smoothies. The other day I was asking her to be my teddy bear. I pulled her in close and started squeezing her while pretending to sleep. She told me "That not teddy beaaar, that flowey". She only gets her binky at naptime and bedtime, because I honestly can't even handle the thought of her big mouth without a plug in it at night. She is daytime potty trained, though she has been having some setbacks this week. I am not sure why exactly, as there haven't been any changes that could throw things off. She is only two, and I am so thankful that she is doing as well as she does. She knows just about every letter of the alphabet, all of the basic colors, all of the basic shapes, and can recognize most animals AND do their sounds. She is so intelligent... and knows how to use it against us. I really do love that infuriating/wonderful little girl. I just glanced at her place at the table and noticed that she put the elephant backpack/leash (that I haven't brought myself to use) in her chair and pushed it in. Silly girl.
Addison is also developing quite the personality. She is also becoming obsessed with Dora. I don't really know her favorite colors or animals yet, and there isn't a specific anything that she gravitates towards. She refuses to eat any fruit besides bananas. I offer her everything, but she is stubborn about her fruits. She loves to dance around to ANY music. She is most happy when plopped in the stroller and pushed around. If anyone besides mommy/daddy/Chloe says anything to her she blinks her eyes in response to them and grins. She babbles up a storm at home though. She loves pointing out her nose and eyes. She sticks her tongue out all the time. I was rocking her to sleep one night, because I needed it and she kept sticking her tongue out at me and giggling. She is a stinker. But, she is feisty. She pulls hair, bites, and hits if she gets upset. She loves to read books also. She likes making the pig noise and "woof woof"ing like a dog. She loves to see pictures and videos of dogs, but if she meets one in real life she gets frightened. She loves to carry around her "baaaaby" and put her in the stroller.
Scott is Scott. He got a new (well, used, but new to him) video game for his PS3, and has been playing it like crazy. I like seeing him have SOMETHING that he enjoys doing. We have agreed that he won't play it while the girls are awake, so he isn't addicted to it like a lot of husbands are. He is handsome.. yep..
I am exhausted. The last time I updated, I was about 11 weeks pregnant. Less than a week later, we lost the baby. I can honestly say that it is the most difficult thing that I have ever gone through. I have a lot of guilt and a lot of pain. I also have a God that is GREAT. I ran the Warrior Dash while 4 weeks pregnant, and did not know it. That is when the baby stopped developing. I was upset when I found out. Where would we put a third baby in our already too small house? How could I possibly handle 3 under 3? We were just getting to where we could go places without it being extremely stressful. I would give anything for the extra stress and exhaustion that would have arrived within the next month. Can I just break the stigma and talk about miscarriage a little? I really hate that term. I Miss-carried my child. I did something wrong. My baby DIED. I believe that LIFE begins at conception. That was MY baby. I loved that baby, no matter how terrified I was of his or her arrival. I hadn't even told my family or most friends that I was expecting again because I was dreading their reactions. It was easier to tell them that I had lost a baby. Some of the things people said were so rude and hurtful. Do not try to justify WHY this happened. Just say "I am so sorry", or nothing, and move on... I don't want to be a debby downer here, but that was a HUGE part of my 2012. I am just a few weeks away from my due date. I really am doing OK, but the emotions seem to be resurfacing. I see all of the baby stuff that is put in the empty, unfinished room, and I break down in tears.
I don't want this to be a debby-downer post though, so we are going to move on. A LOT of good has happened, too. I grew ONE carrot in my garden. Then, I forgot that it was in the fridge and never got to try it. Woops! I got on the scale this morning, and I am FINALLY down to my pre-pregnancy-with-Chloe weight! I am actually BELOW that weight! Yee-haw!! Now, if only I could lose the 10 other pounds that I have gained since getting married, I'd be set. I have fallen in love with running. I have fallen in love with fitness and nutrition. I am an organic-food-buying freak. I am ok with that. I buy as much as we can afford, and I sacrifice a lot to afford what I do buy. Next month, we will be heading back to IL to spend some time with our families. I am getting really excited. I will be running a 5K in honor of my dad, who has heart disease, and had triple bypass surgery in 2010. Even better, he MAY be running it beside me!!!!!!!! I have tried so hard to not get my hopes up, but have failed. It would mean the world to me to help fight this disease with him. I am anxious to get home and see family. I haven't seen them since October. Scott's family is able to come out a little more often, but we are still excited to see them as well. I am already making my "what to pack" list, because I am a type-A person like that. I have to plan and organize EVERYTHING.
I think I have sufficiently bored everyone for now. An update on Chloe: She is STILL awake, sitting up in bed watching her movie. Yes.. my two year old has a TV in her room because I was DESPERATE for her to just sit in her room and BE QUIET.. Judge me.
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